THE HEART OF THE JEDI

 

DOESN’T SEE ME

by Martina

 Disclaimer: The people and situations used in this fic are the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. 

This chapter NC-13

 

 

The huge skyscraper towered above him like a gigantic concrete sceptre

covered with glass. Still, according to Coruscant standard, the building in

which Mara Jade lived was quite small compared to most others. It was not

even half as tall as the Imperial Palace.

But, from the very bottom, the size of the apartment scraper managed to

impress even Luke Skywalker.

It had been a thirty minute walk from the Imperial Palace through the

underground level of Coruscant. Most high officials avoided the bottom

levels. But Luke didn’t. He rarely walked the streets of Coruscant but when

he did, it usually was down there. Not only was it easier even for a Jedi

Master to blend in, but it was also the perfect opportunity for him to

observe and mingle with the common people of Coruscant. To learn first hand

what was happening. Sometimes he could go for long walks down there just to

observe the people, to see the different races and all the activities that

were never noticed higher up.

This way, he had managed to solve minor crimes that he had accidentally

stumbled into as well. The perpetrators rarely put up a fight. Most of them

recognised him and those who didn’t were usually convinced to stand down at

the sight of his lightsaber or when they were overpowered by his Jedi

powers.

Luke usually let them go. It depended on the crime of course but mostly it

was enough to merely show his appearance. And the victims were always so

grateful, the highest reward he could ever receive.

Once the Jedi Council was more properly established and even more Jedi had

completed their training, Luke had the ambition to have several Jedi

stationed here on Coruscant permanently. While walking the lower levels he

had heard many stories of the past - how the old Jedi Order had done the

same, acting like marshals of law and order. The need was still there, he

had noticed. And Coruscant was such a vast and important planet. There was

much more than merely the ruling body of the New Republic living here. And

it had plenty of properly working protection of its own. But the common

people did not have so much of it. In time, Luke wanted to change that.

Leia knew of his walks around the city’s ground levels. She was not too

happy about it, not that he went by himself at least. The underground of

Coruscant was indeed a dangerous place if you were in the wrong place at the

wrong time. But Luke could still tell that she was grateful for the help and

protection he offered to the people down here. If the regular law

enforcements rarely had time to get down below, then who would?

Tonight, however, Luke did not have the intention to roam the streets,

solving whatever issues crossed his path. He had merely one goal before he

would head back to the Jedi Academy.

This night he wanted to see Mara.

The trek from the Imperial Palace had been swift and easy. This close to the

Palace, the security was pretty high even down here and Mara’s building was

located in the finer regions of Coruscant. There was very little crime and

trouble around here. Nothing had stopped him on his way this time.

He reached the entrance of the building. It was locked and you needed to

either have the entrance code or to make a call to the one you were supposed

to visit to get inside. Luke didn’t have any code. He sensed that Mara was

home and he saw the number to call to her apartment. But he wanted to

surprise his friend, at least a little.

For a Jedi Master there was always another option to get inside.

He reached out with the Force and in his mind he could clearly see the

mechanism that held the doors locked. Knowing a great deal of how locks

worked, it took him merely two seconds to unlock the entrance and it opened

up for him. Luke could not hold back his grin. This was really not the

correct way to do things and the Force was not meant to be misused. But

there was no harm in this and he had done this very thing numerous times in

the past to get into several locations much more important than this one.

And he made sure that no one else managed to get inside with him. The

entrance doors locked behind him.

He reached one of the elevators. He pushed the button for the top floor.

Once he got there he would have to change elevator to get even higher. This

would take a few minutes.

While the elevator cart brought him closer to his destination, Luke’s heart

pounded harder and harder. He was nervous.

Leia had been so right. And he had known it in his heart for a very long

time. But his stubborn mind had not been able to realize it until tonight.

He was in love with Mara.

He had been for quite some time.

For the last ten years to be totally honest with himself.

That certainty that had convinced him from the very start on Myrkr that Mara

would never fulfil her threats to kill him; Luke finally realized where that

strong conviction of his had come from. And that he had been right about her

had increased his feelings for her even more.

All these years of friendship he had shared with her. And in his heart it

had truly been more than mere friendship. But he had been too blind to his

own feelings to see it.

That scared Luke a little.

What else could there be that he was blind to?

He changed elevator and pushed another button that would bring the cart to

his designated level. While he waited, Luke took the opportunity to

meditate.

He needed it.

This really was the answer he had been looking for.

It explained why he had felt a bit jealous when Lando had revealed his plans

to court and hopefully marry Mara. It explained his desperation when Mara

had almost died on him on Anargosa. It explained why he had felt so

compelled to kiss her after he had saved her from the river.

Why he still felt so compelled to kiss her again.

Leia had been right about this, too. He wasn’t merely in love with the

red-haired woman. He was deeply attracted to Mara as well. His sudden need

had surprised him when he had kissed her on Anargosa. But he had slowly

begun to realize what was going on when Mara had kissed him upon their

return to Coruscant.

And that was truly what made Luke feel very nervous right now.

Was that kiss of hers nothing more than a one-time event, a mere emotional

gratitude for saving her life and being such a good friend to her? Or could

it be possible that it could happen again? That their sudden affection meant

something to her?

Was there truly a chance for him and her?

Luke didn’t dare to be too hopeful. Even if he was finally beginning to

figure himself out, too much was still unclear. And that wasn’t the biggest

problem.

This was Mara Jade. She was a very strong woman that followed her own path.

She was independent and attached herself to no one. She lived a life very

different from his. There was very little hope of anything to ever happen

between them. And he was never going to jeopardise his friendship with her.

That would always come first. He had to be careful with his newly discovered

feelings for her. As he had told his sister earlier - if his love for Mara

wasn’t mutual nothing would ever happen.

Patience would be his best ally here.

If he did anything that could disturb his friendship with Mara, Luke would

never forgive himself.

He finally reached the level. Luke stepped out of the elevator cart and

looked around to see where Mara’s apartment was located.

He didn’t need to look very long.

- “I thought I sensed something familiar heading my way.”

It was the loveliest voice that reached him. Down at the far end of the

corridor, Mara waited for him by her door.

- “You let yourself in, I reckon?”

- “Hello, Mara.”

She seemed happy to see him. She was smiling and it looked like she had been

standing there, waiting for him to arrive for perhaps a minute or two. Luke

gasped the second his eyes fell upon her. She was wearing her black leather

pants and top, the ones that always looked like a second skin on her

voluptuous and slender body.

Luke swallowed and slowly approached her. Her red hair hung free down her

back and shoulders. His heart was pounding so hard that he feared that it

would break free from his chest. He had seen her dressed like this numerous

times before. But things had changed, just as he had told Leia earlier.

When he looked at Mara now, it was as if he was seeing her for the first

time.

He took a deep breath.

She was stunningly beautiful!

- “Am I dropping by at a bad time?”

Why did he ask such an excusing question!?

His attempt to sound polite just made him feel stupid. Luke bit his tongue.

He could not give himself away so easily! He had to act normal. He had to

find out what Mara’s feelings for him could possibly be. Then, and only

then, would he tell her of his own feelings for her.

- “Not at all,” Mara said. She seemed unaware of the raging confusion that

was going on within the Jedi Master. - “Besides, I could use some

distraction. Please, come in”.

Mara stepped aside for him and allowed him entrance into her apartment.

- “I can’t recall that I’ve actually been in your quarters here on

Coruscant,” Luke said as he walked past her. Music met him from within the

apartment and it became louder the farther he stepped inside.

- “No, you haven’t,” Mara confirmed. She was very happy to see him.

Even if Luke had promised her to not leave Coruscant without checking on

her, she had not expected more than a call from him. That he truly would

come himself to see her was more than she had dared to hope for.

- “I’m surprised you managed to find me,” she said.

- “The New Republic hasn’t crumbled to the point where it’s no longer

possible to dig up the addresses of people that live here on Coruscant,”

Luke replied. - “Besides, I already knew where you live.”

- “Really? Are you checking up on me?”

She closed the front door behind them.

They were totally alone.

She was being ironic, of course. Her green eyes shimmered with joy. It had

been a long time since Luke had last seen her like this. And it pleased him.

Especially since the return of Palpatine had upset her so much.

Seeing Mara happy felt more and more like a necessity for him.

- “You have always been the one that has advised me to remain cautious

around you,” he reminded. - “Knowing where you live is a part of that

caution.”

Luke grinned. Mara wasn’t the only one being ironic here.

- “No, seriously, I’ve just wanted to know where to find you. You never know

when you might need a friend and an ally.”

- “I like the second reason a lot better,” Mara said and smiled.

She observed him quickly. Something was different.

Luke looked the same; he was dressed in his usual black uniform and with the

grey robe over his shoulders. But yet… There was some kind of change in him.

Mara could not put her finger on it, but there was something.

He looked different.

- “Shall I take your robe for you?” she asked.

Her offer woke him up. Once more his mind had been elsewhere. Her skin-tight

clothes did not make it difficult for his otherwise so serene fantasies to

run off easily.

- “Thanks, but I don’t intend to stay so long,” he said and removed his robe

and handed it over to her.

- “Are you going back to the Academy?” she wondered.

- “Yes. Tonight.”

Mara gestured for him to enter her apartment further while she would find a

good spot to hang his robe. As soon as Luke was no longer watching her, Mara

squeezed the fabric of the robe with her hands and brought it to her face.

She could easily smell the scent of him from the fabric.

She trembled with satisfaction.

The last time she had smelled this scent was when she had kissed him the day

before. Smelling it once again reminded her of his taste as well. Mara

sighed. She had longed to smell his scent again. And now she did.

Would she feel the taste of him again, too?

She dearly hoped so.

She pushed her daydreams aside and quickly hung up his robe. She could not

delay too long or he would wonder what she was doing. She could not afford

to reveal herself so easily. Luke wasn’t ready for what she was feeling.

- “Have you told the government about what we are facing?” she asked as she

caught up with him inside her living room. Luke nodded.

- “I have. This morning.”

- “What did they say?”

- “Surprisingly, they are taking the threat seriously. And so does Leia.”

- “Did she force them to unite to take a stand?”

- “She didn’t have to,” Luke explained. - “My report was enough for them.”

Mara’s eyes widened. She could not deny that she was impressed by his

political achievement.

- “Well done, Skywalker!”

Luke’s eyes dropped slightly. Receiving credit from Mara as well almost made

him blush. In fact, it meant even more coming from her than the standing

ovation from the government he had received this morning.

- “If I should require their help I have the right to ask for it,” he

explained. - “It might not make much difference in this matter, but it still

feels a lot better having their complete support. It’s almost like it was

during the Civil War. Back then there were no debates. We did what we had to

do in unison,”

- “You miss those days, don’t you?”

It surprised him that Mara seemed so eager and open to talk. She usually

wasn’t so much the talkative type. But he welcomed it just as much. Leia had

accused Mara of not letting them into her life. Maybe there was an

opportunity to change that?

But it wasn’t really in order to please Leia that he wanted to reach under

Mara’s skin.

For once, he wanted to do this merely for himself.

- “Yes and no,” Luke confessed. - “These kinds of things were easier back

then, yes, but life was very hard, too. We are not on the run today. We

gained our freedom. But it’s all so much politics now.”

- “That’s the price of democracy, Skywalker,” Mara stated. - “I can see why

politics does not capture your fancy. You are a warrior. You fight with your

life for the values of democracy and freedom. Once that has been

established, you feel no longer useful.”

- “That’s not entirely true, Mara. I’m still very much needed. Someone must

ensure the freedom.”

- “Yes, someone has to. But you are what you are. Deep down, you’re a

diplomat merely because you have to be, not because you want to be. You’re a

fighter on the battle field.”

Hearing Mara’s evaluation of himself right after his long conversation with

Leia felt very soothing in this very moment. Mara’s view of him seemed much

closer to his own than his sister’s was. That was actually a surprise to

him. How could Mara know him better than Leia?

Still, it felt really good hearing her say this.

- “I’m glad that someone acknowledges that,” Luke stated. - “My sister

refuses to see it.”

Mara observed him closely. He seemed somewhat sad. If he did while speaking

of Leia, that could only mean one thing.

He must just have had a very deep conversation with his sister – one that

could not have been all pleasant. Had Leia pushed him in some way again? Had

she tried to change him? Make him do something he preferred not to do? If

so, it did not surprise Mara. She was a good observer, had been trained to

be already as a child. She could see more than people realized. And she

could tell when the Chief of State and the Jedi Master did not get along.

Now it seemed to have happened again.

Mara knew that it was really none of her business, whether it regarded their

duty or if it was merely family related. But she knew how deeply Luke loved

his sister. Sometimes perhaps even too much. And more than often he

sometimes agreed to do things to favour her that he honestly would have

preferred to not have done.

And there was also something else.

The relationship between the Skywalker siblings always puzzled Mara. They

treasured each other deeply, but it didn’t show openly to the degree that

could be expected.

Mara remembered well how warmly and deeply Luke and Leia had shown their

bond to the whole galaxy when she had begun to get to know their family ten

years ago. She had been moved by the siblings’ powerful bond. She had never

believed something so strong in love could exist, not with such dedication,

honesty and affection. And certainly not between a brother and a sister.

But something must have happened somewhere along the line. Mara could not

see or sense this bond between them anymore. Their love and affection was

intact. But the special bond was weakened to nearly none existence.

Mara had never said anything of this. She was very uncertain what she should

say. And was it really her business to interfere? Probably not. But one

thing was very certain.

Luke was hurting over this.

He was very much aware of the change that had occurred between him and his

sister and he missed what he had lost. But, strangely, he seemed to make no

effort whatsoever to get it back. That was so very unlike him.

What Leia was feeling about this Mara didn’t know as certainly. She didn’t

meet the former Princess often enough to be able to tell. But if there was a

problem between the two, why didn’t they simply solve it? They were both so

strong in heart and soul; it would be enough when one of them felt the

unwanted change.

Unless one of them or both didn’t want a change?

No, that could not be possible!

If it was, why did she sense that Luke was hurting over this?

But that did not answer the question why he, then, didn’t try to solve

whatever the issue was with his sister.

Something was not right here. Something was terribly wrong, Mara could feel

it!

The sadness in his eyes and in his voice gripped Mara’s heart. Whenever he

spoke of Leia like this it always affected her this way. He was looking for

understanding from his sister but didn’t seem to get any, as usual these

days. This was so totally different from when Mara had met the siblings ten

years ago and had begun to know them. Luke, especially, had seemed so

different back then.

But then the Dark Side had interfered as Palpatine had lured him to Byss.

That Leia had been the one to save him had not come as a surprise to Mara

whatsoever. However, to feel and see their seemingly unbreakable bond slowly

but surely fall apart after that was truly something that Mara had never

expected to happen. Surely, the dramatic ways in which Leia had saved her

brother from Palpatine’s dark clutches should have strengthened their

special bond even further.

But instead, that had been the beginning of the end of something very unique

and special. And today, there were barely traces of it left.

Mara had stayed away during these dramatic days. She had not been present

until long after Luke had returned from the Dark Side and had started his

Jedi Academy. By the time of her return to her friend, the change between

him and his sister had already happened.

She had not been there to see what had happened. But one thing was certain,

something had happened!

Something sinister.

And Mara was confident that Palpatine had something to do with it! She could

not tell how or why, but she just knew.

Only he had the power to change people so dramatically. She knew that too

well herself. And so did her Jedi friend.

But he never told her about it.

He never seemed to talk to anyone about it.

Especially not with Leia.

Luke met Mara’s gaze. She seemed to look at him so strangely all of a

sudden. Was she sensing his feelings regarding Leia? All the debates that he

had had with her today? Could Mara sense even deeper than that?

She had the power to. That had been her speciality when she had been the

Emperor’s Hand. But did she have the ability to penetrate even his mental

shields?

Luke didn’t dare to find out. Leia wasn’t meant to know. Nor was any other.

Not even the woman which he now loved.

Mara shouldn’t be bothered with his problems.

And she would certainly never return his affection if she ever learned what

he had done!

- “Enough about me,” he said and walked up to her, trying to change the

subject as quickly and smoothly as possible. - “I wanted to see how you are

doing. Did you visit a med centre as I asked you to?”

- “Yes. And for once I want to thank you for your persistence, Luke,” Mara

stated with relief. - “There was indeed a small volume of water still left

in my lungs. It wasn’t life threatening but I do feel a lot better now that

they took it all out.”

- “I’m glad to hear it.”

- “I’ve spent most of the day recovering,” Mara explained. - “Listening to

some music. Thinking. I’ve been given a lot to think about lately.”

- “We all have,” Luke agreed.

He made another quick look around her living room, just as he had done right

after he had walked in here. Mara had a simple and practical taste in

decorating. Nothing too glamorous but still some expensive things. She was

in the trading business, after all. She had the right connections to get a

hold of quality much cheaper. And she had a very good taste.

He had especially noticed her very expensive and highly technical music set.

It had all the latest sound equipment possible. It even had a THX

certificate. Luke didn’t even dare to guess how much it had cost, probably a

lot more than what he earned in a year. Mara loved music of all kind and

tried to listen to it as often as possible. Some soft music from one of her

recorded disc was running right now in the background, the same he had heard

when he had entered her quarters.

Luke had also taken notice of the two white couches at one end of the room.

The table between them was filled with different forms of paperwork and in

the middle of it stood a laptop.

- “It looks like you haven’t just been dozing on the couch,” he stated.

- “No, I’ve also worked on the final report to Karrde of what happened on

Anargosa,” Mara explained and sighed slightly. - “It wasn’t enough that I

contacted him and told him what happened. He wants it on paper, too.”

- “I’m surprised you still do work for him,” Luke said. - “Don’t you have

enough to do with your own business now?”

- “I do,” she confirmed. - “But Karrde sometimes asks me to do special

missions for him. And it pays well. Even if I no longer officially work for

him I seem to be the one within his whole organisation he trusts the most.

How could I possibly dishonour such a trust? However, next time he better

make sure who he does business with. I don’t want to end up almost dead

again.”

- “I’m sure Karrde didn’t know of the real intentions of the man that tried

to kill you,” Luke said. He hoped that Mara didn’t have any such suspicions

regarding Karrde. He was the last person Luke would consider to ever want to

harm his lady friend.

- “Of course he didn’t,” Mara answered with certainty. - “But I asked him as

a favour to try to find out why the Remnant wants me dead.”

- “I want to point out to you that the N.R.I is also on the case.”

Mara gasped in surprise.

- “Really?” she asked. - “You did that for me?”

Luke shrugged.

- “What’s the point in having a sister that is Chief of State if I can’t use

her connections to help a friend? Besides, I want to know the reason behind

your assassination attempt as much as you do.”

There was a slight pause before she spoke.

- “Thank you.”

This was certainly more than she had ever expected Luke to do for her. He

had so much to do as it was. How had he found the time to even bring this up

with Leia?

Was she so important to him?

Mara trembled.

Could it truly be that she was?

Were her hopes not in vain after all?

- “How is Talon, by the way?” Luke wondered. - “It has been quite a while

since I’ve seen him,”

- “He’s still the same,” Mara said with a grin. - “Like a little kid who

can’t find enough excitement. I guess he learned his lesson when he last

tried to retire after the Thrawn crisis. Karrde is a man of action, too. His

work is very important to him.”

- “What about you?” Luke asked. - “You value your work, don’t you?”

Mara nodded.

- “Yes. It feels so rewarding to do something I like. And something that I

have chosen for myself. To serve only myself.”

Luke nodded.

- “I can relate to that,” he said. - “Only you must make a lot more credits

than I ever will.”

Mara grinned at the Jedi Master.

- “You Jedi should seriously consider demanding better salaries!” she

stated, half ironic, half serious. - “Really!”

- “You don’t learn the ways of the Force to become rich, Mara,” Luke pointed

out, fully aware of her added irony.

- “Why not?” Mara wondered. - “The times have changed during the last

decades. And considering the risks you constantly take, you Jedi are not

even paid a tenth of what you deserve.”

- “The New Republic does provide each Jedi and student with a symbolic

amount of credits each month,” Luke reminded her.

- “Symbolic chicken money.”

Her irony was gone. Mara spoke with absolute seriousness on his and all

Jedi’s behalf.

- “I don’t disagree with you on that,” Luke stated honestly. - “But our real

compensation for our efforts is not what they pay us. There are rewards

other than credits, Mara.”

She nodded.

- “Yes, I know,” she answered. - “You may find this hard to believe,

Skywalker, but I’m not really into the trading business only for the

credits, even if a big bank account gives you a lot of financial freedom, of

course. No, I do this mostly because it gives me something to do with my

time.”

This was certainly something new to him!

- “What do you mean?” he asked curiously. Mara sighed slightly.

- “As I said, I’ve been given a lot to think about lately,” she began. -

“Palpatine’s return isn’t the only one.”

She started pacing. Luke could tell that despite her need to talk with him

it equally made her just as nervous to do so. She was not used to confiding

in people, not even to him.

- “I’m not getting any younger, Luke. I may have chosen a path in life

different from yours but we both still seem to be in the same boat on this

one. We both lack the same thing in life. Companionship. And I’m not

referring to mere friendship.”

Was he hearing her correctly?

Was she saying what he believed she was?

- “Are you thinking of settling down?” he asked, feeling totally dumbstruck.

- “Of getting married?”

To his even more utter surprise, Mara nodded.

- “Your Jedi insight sometimes works just perfectly,” she praised.

Suddenly, Luke wasn’t sure what to say or do anymore. He had never regarded

Mara as the marrying type. But now she had such plans..!

This gave him a lot of new hope! If she was open to have a real and lasting

relationship for the first time in her life, then maybe there was a reason

to why he was in love with her! After all, the Force had tried to tell him

that for the past week.

But it equally as much scared him to death. Why should he ever take for

granted that just because she considered settling down she wanted to do it

with him?

Something must have happened that had awoken this desire to change life in

her. Or someone.

And it didn’t necessarily have to be him at all.

- “By the Force, Mara, this is… incredible…”

His voiced trembled. He felt like both laughing and crying at the same time.

He wasn’t sure what to feel. Suddenly things seemed to happen so fast.

- “Slow down, farmboy, don’t get too excited,” Mara stated, slightly

surprised by his strange reaction. - “I’ve merely been thinking about it.

I’ve made no decisions yet.”

That seemed to calm him down a bit.

- “My business keeps me occupied, no doubt,” she continued. - “But it

doesn’t make me less lonely. I’m no longer twenty; I can’t run around as

wildly as I did when I was young and stupid.”

Luke noticed her self-criticism.

- “You were not stupid, Mara,” he reminded.

- “Misled, then.”

It didn’t matter what they called it, her former life as the Emperor’s Hand

would never go away. Luke always tried to remove the blame of her actions

but Mara knew what she had done in the name of the Emperor. Many things she

preferred to not speak of. It was not things that made her proud.

- “Either way, I need to slow down a bit,” she continued. - “I need

something constant in my life for a change, something that I can always

return home to. And I think a partner might just be it. Someone I can share

my life’s experiences with.”

Luke was confident of it now. Something, or someone, must have affected her

in some way! He could not believe that Mara would want to change her whole

independent life like this over night without a reason.

- “Have you thought of any candidate yet?”

The question had slipped off his tongue. But he had to know.

He had to!

- “No. Not yet”.

Mara had not met his eyes when she had answered. And Luke sensed that she

was not honest with him. She didn’t mean to lie to him; she merely didn’t

want to admit the truth to him yet.

He tried to dig a little deeper.

- “Yet you have your considerations? After all, something must have awoken

this new idea of marriage in you.”

Luke was curious by nature. He was also a very stubborn man. But now, it

seemed too much even for him.

He was after something.

- “Why?”

She received no answer. And he seemed puzzled by her counter-question. Mara

decided to dig further.

- “You seem unusually interested, Skywalker,” she stated. - “Would you like

to be one of my ‘candidates’, as you yourself put it?”

Her heart pounded as she finished her question. She could hardly believe

that she had dared to ask him outright.

There was a pause. He looked at her as if he truly was trying to figure out

the right way to answer her.

His answer was not what Mara had been hoping for.

- “I may be lonely and abandoned, but I’m not desperate.”

There was slight pain in his voice. But that was nothing compared to how his

words cut through her heart like a knife. He admitted his solitude, finally.

But that didn’t make her good enough for him?

Had she been so totally wrong about him?

- “Thanks a lot,” Mara mumbled and turned away.

Luke cursed himself in silence as his mistake became obvious to him. Why had

he said that!? First of all, it wasn’t true. And secondly, it was clumsy and

cold. It was not his intention to hurt or insult her, on the contrary!

It started to become painfully obvious to him just how long ago he had been

involved with a woman. He said and did everything wrong so far. He acted

like an immature child.

- “I’m sorry, Mara.”

He wanted to approach her, to comfort her. But he didn’t dare to. This was

Mara. There was a risk that she would not respond positively to his comfort

when she was hurt. It was better if he remained where he was.

- “I didn’t mean it that way and certainly not to you personally,” he

carefully continued. - “You are a very bright and attractive woman.”

His honest compliment made her turn around and look at him again, but she

still said nothing. But at least she was listening to him now.

- “My point is that if you wish to make me one of your possible candidates

it is and should be entirely up to you.”

- “Yes, it should be,” Mara finally stated, still slightly hurt. - “But may

I ask why you seem so interested to know my intentions?”

- “I don’t mean to intrude in your personal life,” Luke explained. - “I

happen to care about you and always wish the best for you. I just want you

to find your happiness, whatever it might be. You deserve it, Mara.”

She didn’t say it out loud, but Mara forgave him. In a way, it was amazing

to see this almighty Jedi Master, who had made the entire New Republic

listen to his warnings about the Dark Side, behave like a nervous schoolboy

in her presence.

And if he was nervous, there was a reason for it!

Could it be..?

Mara carefully reached out to his mind, but as always hit the brick wall.

That gave her nothing new to go on. However, his behaviour and all his

questions tonight revealed a lot to her.

She wasn’t entirely sure how to interpret his nervousness, but it meant

something. And if she just remained patient a little longer and handled this

carefully, there maybe was a chance he would open up!

- “I’m working on it,” Mara confessed. Her green eyes observed him closely.

Yes, she had been working to find her true happiness for a very long time

now. Many times she had been close to giving up, but had decided that

surrender was not an option. She had tried to live without the ultimate

happiness but was constantly pulled towards it.

But finally, there might be a chance that she didn’t need to hide and resist

any longer.

- “It’s been a bit rough so far,” she continued. - “But one day I hope for a

breakthrough.”

She met his blue gaze. So many times had she stared into those eyes, for

real as well as in her dreams and in her fantasies.

Every time she did Mara felt so inferior. It had nothing to do with his

superior powers or his position in life. No, Luke was simply a better human

being than her. He had not meant what he had said before so harshly, but

maybe it was true, though?

Maybe she wasn’t what he wanted and needed.

‘He’s a king who deserves a queen,’ Mara concluded to herself, as she had

done numerous times before. ‘But I’m not a queen. And he doesn’t see me.’

A little smile escaped him.

- “I’ll pray that you’ll find what you seek, Mara,” he said. - “Just don’t

give up.”

He had no idea what her happiness was, what her dreams were. Yet he

supported them. For he was a dreamer himself. So full of hope. So full of

unconditional care. Yes, he was a fine man indeed!

Too fine to let go of so easily!

To hell with all their differences! If she let him go now after all this

time, Mara would never forgive herself! Maybe he would reject her. Maybe he

wasn’t interested. But then, so be it. Then she had at least tried and done

all she could.

To give up and run before she had even so much as tried was no option.

She swallowed her fear.

- “I swear it to you, Luke, I will never give up!” Mara promised, looking

him deeply in the eyes. - “Not with this!”

If he only knew that it was him she was referring to.

Would he turn around and run?

Or would he stay?

Was he ready for a little test?

- “Oh, where are my manners?” Mara asked herself and gestured to one of her

couches. - “Please, have a seat.”

Despite his mentioned urgency to return to the Academy, Luke accepted her

offer and sat down. Apparently, he wanted to stay a little longer. Mara

decided to continue her experiment.

- “Do you mind if I change the type of music a bit?”

Luke shook his head.

- “Not at all.”

It wasn’t difficult to find a very comfortably position on her white couch.

He kept watching her as she turned to her music equipment and turned off the

currently running disc. All thoughts of returning to the Jedi Academy were

entirely gone at the moment.

Right now there was only Mara Jade on his mind.

- “So, what else have you been thinking about lately?” he asked.

Mara looked at him over her shoulder. His black uniform almost made him

luminous against the white coach.

- “You never put your curiosity on hold, do you?”

She continued to search for the disc she had in mind.

- “If you must know, I’ve been thinking about you and me as well,” she

continued, very curious of what his reaction would be.

- “Really?”

- “Yeah.”

She had found the disc. She only hoped that this would work. She gambled

with luck now.

And with fate.

- “It would not surprise me if I actually know you better than you know me,”

she stated.

- “Considering what you’ve just told me about your plans for the future, it

seems you are right,” Luke agreed.

Mara put the disc inside the slot and selected the track she was looking

for. Then she pushed the play button.

- “I still remain a huge mystery to you, don’t I?”

Luke didn’t seem the slightest surprised or intimidated by her question nor

by the fact that she was slowly walking towards where he was sitting. In

fact, he seemed suddenly unusually relaxed. Like he was enjoying the

situation. At least one thing gave him away.

He was smiling.

- “Great mysteries are worth having,” he said.

- “Only if you can find solutions to them,” Mara added. Luke didn’t seem to

object to that.

The music had already begun playing. The first melodies of this rather

romantic ballad filled the room and seemed to add to the already relaxed

mood both of them seemed to have fallen into. Which had been Mara’s

intention all along.

She closed her eyes for a moment, listening as a beautiful female voice

began singing the lyrics.

- “I love this song!” she said.

- “So do I.”

She opened her eyes again, positively surprised by his confession.

- “I didn’t know you had time to listen to modern music.”

- “We do have the Holonet on Yavin 4 as well, you know,” Luke explained. -

“And I do believe in knowing what’s happening out there, including our

cultures and entertainment.”

Mara smiled. This truly seemed to work already better than what she would

ever have anticipated.

She prayed to the Force that it would continue like this.

- “And I thought I knew you, Luke Skywalker,” she said with awe. - “You may

be a Jedi, but you are so different from the ones of the old days. You are

not afraid to learn. Nor afraid of what’s new.”

- “Fear is the Dark Side,” Luke reminded. - “Ignorance is not the way of the

Jedi. If I’m supposed to perform my duty properly, I must know what’s

happening around me.”

- “I agree.”

More boldness came to her. It was time to truly set her plan to the test.

- “I just got an idea,” she said. - “If 3PO were here he would most likely

complain about my reverse idea of protocol. But I’d like to ask you anyway.”

- “Ask me what?”

Mara extended her hand to him.

- “Will you dance with me?” she asked. Her heart was beating rapidly as she

awaited his answer.

Would he accept?

- “Dance?”

Her request had totally surprised him. Luke looked at her hand that waited

for him to take it, then up to her eyes that were even more eager for an

answer.

- “Just one song, this song,” Mara explained. - “I can’t sit still when I

hear this thing. It always moves me so deeply.”

- “But I…”

He could not help it.

Suddenly he felt very insecure. He didn’t want to let her down. But he had

to be honest with her.

- “Forgive me, but I don’t dance”.

Wrong answer.

- “Don’t give me that crap, Skywalker!” Mara said insistently. - “You are

the brother of the Chief of State; you have been dragged along to enough

social occasions by now. Please, Luke. It’ll be fun.”

Mara was pleading. That did not happen very often.

No, he could not refuse. Besides, he liked this woman, didn’t he?

It was about time that he began to show her he did.

Luke sighed and took her extended hand in his.

- “If you insist.”

His acceptance definitely seemed to please her. But that didn’t reduce how

nervous he was. Especially now that she invited him to be so physically

close to her.

A week ago this had not been a problem. But today it made his head spin.

Leia was more right than he wanted to admit.

His attraction to Mara made him feel things he had not felt in a very long

time. One more than others.

Desire.

Mara was not unaware of his nervousness as she led him out to the open floor

and started their rather reluctant form of dance. He was trembling.

- “Relax,” she said softly. - “Compare it to the footwork you do when you

wield your lightsaber, only much easier.”

- “I don’t know about that,” Luke mumbled. Still, he calmed himself. And

began to accept what was happening as he followed her moves.

His own irrational behaviour did not make sense to him. Why was he so

nervous? Wasn’t this what he had been hoping for? Mara suddenly expressed a

surprising and positive amount of interest in him, even if this was merely

on a friendly level. But that was really what made him so nervous.

Until a week ago she had never shown him any interest at all. What had made

her change her mind?

On the other hand, what had made him realize his genuine feelings for her?

So many questions. No answers. But maybe he didn’t receive any because he

didn’t allow them to reach him?

Luke relaxed even further and felt more and more comfortable. The joy of

having such a beautiful woman like Mara so close to him felt as wonderful as

unusual to him.

But why should he feel so guilty if he enjoyed himself?

For once?

He had nothing to feel guilty about. Besides, it was just a dance. And,

being alone with Mara in these private quarters could turn out to be quite

fun.

Luke put his left arm around her waist and then started to take over,

leading her after the soft rhythm of the ballad across the room. A smile

spread on his face as he noticed how happy their change in command made her.

This encouraged him further, taking bolder steps while following the music,

letting the rhythm take control while he escorted the lovely lady through

it.

His eyes never left hers, not even when her right hand moved up from his

shoulder to the back of his neck and her fingers softly moved through his

hair.

- “I truly appreciate this, you know,” Mara said softly. Luke agreed with

her in silence.

In fact, he was the one that truly was grateful. He was enjoying himself a

lot more than he’d ever dared to believe.

He would never have dared to take the first step to do this.

Mara felt totally triumphant!

Her little experiment had turned out to be more successful than she had

foreseen. She had expected him to resist a lot more. Perhaps even utterly

refuse. But as soon as Luke took over it was as if an entirely new person

had taken over his body. Luke was suddenly not just enjoying their dancing.

He was actually very good at it, too.

A lot better than what he had let her believe all this time.

He led her across the floor with total control, following the melody of the

song perfectly. His grip around her waist was firm but gentle. And his moves

were graceful, so unlike the nervous stiffness he had displayed just a

minute ago.

He had done this before; there was no doubt about it.

And Mara was thoroughly enjoying herself.

While he was dancing with her, he moved her to a smile. And Mara could see

everything in him shine. He was happy. He was having fun. This was a total

victory.

If she could now only hold on to his happiness then there just might be a

chance!

She moved even closer still to him, now mere inches away. She sensed a tiny

panic in him but it didn’t make him stop dancing.

- “You little liar,” she whispered and chuckled softly.

- “What?”

- “A Jedi shall not lie. You do know how to dance.”

Luke sighed.

- “I said that I don’t dance, not that I don’t know how to dance.”

Her hand around his neck continued to move through his hair, slowly.

Very slowly.

- “Well, you dance just perfectly,” Mara credited him.

- “You think so?”

He seemed doubtful. What did this man ever have to be doubtful about? He who

knew so much? Who could do so much?

- “I believe you are a man of many talents, Luke Skywalker,” Mara said

softly. - “And some are yet to be revealed, I think.”

Her kind compliment touched his heart.

- “Thank you, Mara. That was the kindest thing anyone has said to me

lately.”

Luke wanted to do more than merely thank her. But was she ready to learn

more? Would their friendship last if he told her what he truly felt for her?

Or would it destroy and rip apart what they already had?

It was a complete paradox. The closer she got to him the more Luke felt he

had to hide. They had passed several boundaries over the years despite all

the wars and conflicts and had established a very fine friendship against

all odds. But their own boundaries they somehow just didn’t seem to be able

to cross.

There was so much they could change if they simply chose to fight for it.

But nothing ever happened by accident. Or without consequence. The walls of

injustice were always so high.

They could not do this too fast.

They must remain patient.

They continued their dance in silence until the song ended.

- “How come you don’t enjoy dancing?” Mara wondered.

- “I seldom get the right partner,” Luke explained. - “I usually end up

dancing with my sister and I don’t mind that but…”

- “But?”

He sighed. Thinking about her right now actually didn’t feel as comfortable

as it otherwise did.

- “It also brings back some difficult memories,” he confessed. - “Most of

what I know about dancing Callista taught me. She and I spent a lot of our

private time dancing, just me and her.”

Mara jerked by the mentioning of that name. She always did. To hear him

speak of his former girlfriend was not what she had calculated into her

experiment. Nor was it a name Mara had wanted to hear tonight.

But even more so, she recoiled because her efforts seemed to have failed

after all. Her intention had been to lighten his mood but instead it seemed

that it only brought back sad memories to him. She knew he still missed

Callista.

- “I’m sorry,” she excused and her eyes dropped. - “I didn’t mean to bring

you discomfort.”

She tried to move away, to give him his space. But, to Mara’s surprise, Luke

didn’t let her go.

- “It’s alright, Mara.”

Knowing perfectly well that Mara had never really liked Callista very much,

Luke had partly foreseen her reaction. And he wouldn’t let her follow it

through. This was not her fault. He was having a great time thanks to her.

The last thing she deserved was to feel guilty about it.

He carefully embraced her, pulling her gently towards himself. After a short

hesitation, he felt her arms embrace him in return

- “You bring me no discomfort,” Luke explained and pulled her even closer. -

“There’s no need for us to stop what we are doing.”

Mara sighed. This was more than a hug between friends, she could feel it.

His hands moved slowly and tenderly, on her back and in her hair. Luke held

her now as if she meant everything to him.

He had done that ever since he had saved her from the water on Anargosa.

- “And what are we doing, exactly?” she wondered, deeply enjoying his

closeness, the touch of him. But it was also so unlike him to give her so

much affection and that made her a bit wary. She had no idea where he

intended to go next from here.

- “It seems as our friendship is undeniably evolving,” Luke said outright.

There was no use hiding that fact, they both were very much aware of it.

- “To what end I have no idea,” he continued. - “But I don’t mind that it

does.”

- “Me neither.”

Their eyes met.

Luke watched her carefully, exploring those beautiful green eyes of hers. It

seemed they both had noticed and already accepted the change in their

friendship. And even more importantly; even though neither knew where all

this was leading to, they both seemed willing to find out where it was

heading.

Feeling even more encouraged by the support that Leia had promised to give

him no matter what steps he might take, Luke decided to take the first right

here and now.

Whatever was happening between him and Mara, even if it merely remained on a

friendly level, it was too good to let go.

- “I think I might need a new dancing instructor,” he stated. - “And you are

the best dancer I’ve ever known, Mara.”

Her eyes widened. What did he say?

Was he hitting on her!?

- “Is that what you need, Luke?” Mara wondered and grinned. - “Learn a few

new steps?”

Was this the excuse he needed for them to be together?

- “I believe in progress,” Luke said, noting her joyful response. - “And I

enjoy dancing with you. I’m glad you talked me into this.”

Mara placed both her hands around his neck. He was so close now that she

easily could kiss him if she wanted to. But he seemed to be playing hard to

catch tonight. If that was what pleased him, then so be it. She had been

very patient so far. She could be so a little more.

But it wasn’t easy to resist him now when he was so close.

In fact, it was driving her crazy to keep a reign on herself.

- “I’d be happy to help you out,” she said. - “That’s the least I owe the

man who saved my life. But we may not have much spare time simultaneously

for me to instruct you very often.”

- “Then we must use all the time that’s available to us”, Luke suggested. It

had merely been an idea, but it seemed like Mara supported it. And that they

actually had a deal.

She wanted to teach him what she knew about dancing.

Luke could hardly wait.

Right now he would do anything just to be near her.

- “May I bring some protocol back into this and ask you for the next dance?”

There was no time to waste. Now they were in the same place at the same

time. And Mara couldn’t agree with him more.

- “I’d love to,” she said.

Luke cast a glance to her music player. He wanted to hear that song again.

- “Do you need the remote control?” Mara asked, sensing his intention. By

the time she finished, the same song started again.

- “What do I need that for?” Luke asked. Mara blushed slightly.

- “Sorry…”

That was the difference between them. She had the ability to do this as well

but, unlike him, her vision of using it was still limited. She had much to

learn.

And Mara had not forgotten that she had promised him the chance to teach her

how.

As the music played they returned to their dancing, but now even closer to

each other than before. They were not really dancing; they were rather

holding each other close, simply moving to the soft rhythm of the romantic

song.

And that was indeed what the present moment was, romantic. A sensation none

of the two Force individuals had experienced in a very long time.

One of them had never really experienced any form of romance at all in life.

And Luke knew that. Was that why Mara held so dearly on to him now? Because

he could offer her tenderness without demands? He knew she had not been

given enough genuine affection in her life. She deserved so much more than

the hard life she had been living.

If Mara only knew how much he wanted to give her what life so far had denied

her.

But was that the existence she was looking for?

Even now, Luke wasn’t entirely sure.

Silently, they continued to hold each other close to the soft rhythm of the

music.

The song was once more coming to an end. Luke suddenly felt the need to

surprise her a little bit, to finish this lovely moment they had shared as

it should be.

Without warning, he bent her backwards to the side and to the final tones of

the song he brought her slowly back up again.

He had taken her totally by surprise. Mara had not expected him to do that.

As he brought her back up and pressed her close to himself again, she

laughed with joy. In such simple fashions, Luke had showed her just how much

fun she could have in his company.

Why had it taken her so long to find this out?

Her joyful laughter delighted him. Mara was happy. Right now she didn’t have

a care in the universe. And she enjoyed being with him.

With him.

His heartbeat increased once more. He could easily feel her slender,

voluptuous body press against him. There was something erotic about the way

her hands touched his back. Luke started to become all warm inside. His mind

was spinning again. He desperately reached out to the Force to gain

serenity. But now it was of very little help.

His desire for this woman was driving him mad.

He was becoming aroused.

- “I am in need of a cold drink,” Mara stated suddenly. She let him go and

took a step back, seemingly unaware of the powerful feelings that had

started to take over the Jedi Master’s body and soul.

Luke did not resist her wish to create some space between them. It had been

in the nick of time. Another second or two and he would have done something

he knew he would have regretted.

- “You’d like one too?” she asked politely.

- “Well…”

‘Perhaps if you freeze me in carbonite I might cool off,’ Luke thought to

himself. ‘Anything less would not work right now.’

- “Not anything strong, then,” he finally managed to utter. - “Remember, I’m

getting behind the controls tonight.”

- “Jawa juice?”

This brought a smile to his face.

- “You know exactly how to capture an old Tatooine moisture farmer,” Luke

said.

- “I wouldn’t call you old, farmboy,” Mara stated with a grin. - “I’ll be

right back.”

As Mara headed into the kitchen, Luke sighed deeply in relief. He closed his

eyes and buried his face in his hands.

By the Force, that had been close!

He opened his eyes again and moved a hand through his hair. His temple was

covered with sweat. He still breathed deeply. His desire had not gone away.

Merely calmed down a bit.

He looked in the direction Mara had disappeared in for a moment. She was out

of his line of vision but Luke could easily sense her presence.

And that alone kept feeding his starving desire.

He wasn’t only in love with her. He knew that now.

He wanted her.

His heart kept beating hard in his chest. He longed for her. He longed to

feel her touch again. He wanted to taste her again as he had done on

Anargosa and the morning before. He wanted to overwhelm her with his

affection. He would fulfil all her needs as long as she wanted if she only

let him. He could make her happy, Luke knew he could.

He could do that right now.

All he needed to do was go to her. Mara seemed to enjoy when he was

spontaneous. Maybe he should go to her right now. He should just tell her!

Tell her what he felt. And then show it to her. Right there and then.

The thought was tempting. His need was even greater. Luke pulled a deep

breath. He desired this woman with all his heart and soul. His trek back to

the Academy could wait. It had been eight years since he had last felt this

way for any woman. He would be a fool to simply let this moment slip him by!

He should ask if he could stay the night. If Mara would let him, he would

show her what fun he could really be! Maybe he should just go out to the

kitchen and make love to her right now?

Filled with determination, Luke decided to do just that.

As soon as his first step towards the kitchen hit the floor he came to an

abrupt halt.

- “No..!”

Startled, he quickly recoiled.

Blast, what was he doing!? What was he thinking!? He shouldn’t do this! He

was a Jedi! He should not give in to any temptation! He should not be so

selfish! How could he have come so far to think about Mara in such ways?

Slowly, he backed away and sat down on the couch again. His hands were

trembling. He was scared of himself.

With only the exception of the Dark Side, Luke had never felt such a

powerful temptation before in his entire life. But this was no destructive

temptation. This one was filled with passion, desire, tenderness. And love.

It was nothing wrong with it.

Except that it was too soon.

If he gave in to his wild desire now, he would jeopardise their friendship.

He still wasn’t sure of Mara’s feelings. She enjoyed dancing with him but

that didn’t have to mean anything.

He had no right to approach her in this fashion. What had led him to believe

she would accept? That she would even want him in return? She had once

wanted him dead! It had taken her years to fully accept him as her friend.

Why would she ever go as far as to accept him as her lover?

And even if she did it would not be out of love. Only out of pleasure.

And that was not what Luke was searching for.

He wanted her. But he wanted more than merely become another add to her long

list of lovers that had passed her by, never to be seen again.

He closed his eyes again. Now, without allowing his desire to take control

once more, he reached out to the Force and let it sooth him.

- “There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no passion; there is

serenity.”

He desperately kept whispering that phrase from the Jedi Code over and over

again. He was a Jedi. He could not lose control. Now was not the time for

this. He could not risk his friendship with Mara! Not like this. It was

better to be her friend than nothing at all.

No matter how much it hurt, he would stay away.

For now.

Patience.

It didn’t take long until Mara returned with the drinks. She saw or sensed

nothing of the desperation that had taken place just seconds earlier. Luke’s

face was serene, his body posture normal. Nothing gave away what he was

feeling inside for her.

How much he wanted her.

She handed him his drink and sat down next to him.

- “Should we make a toast?”

- “Why not?” Luke agreed. - “But what about?”

- “To the finding of new insight to old mysteries,”

Luke thought that was an excellent idea.

- “To new insight,” he said.

They had barely finished their toast and taken their first sip until a sound

from Mara’s computer in the next room interrupted. Someone was giving her a

call.

Mara sighed. She didn’t like being interrupted right now. But it was just as

well to answer it and get over with it.

- “Excuse me,” she said and headed for the other room.

*************************

Mara pushed the reply button on her computer and sat down in the chair.

- “Jade here.”

Her eyes widened when she recognised the face on the screen.

- “Lando?”

- “Hello Mara, my dear.”

That familiar smile of his almost seemed to fill out the entire screen. Mara

leaned back in her chair. In a way, that she heard from Calrissian wasn’t

really any greater surprise to her.

- “I was beginning to wonder when you would call me,” she said.

- “Oh, I’m sorry, Mara,” Lando excused. - “I have been kept busy with work

ever since my return to Coruscant. My absence during my journey with Luke to

Endor has made me fall behind here a bit; I have so much to catch up with.

But I haven’t stopped thinking about you. How are you now? Have you seen a

doctor?”

- “Yes. Everything is fine with me now,”

- “I’m so pleased and relieved to hear that,” he said with great relief. -

“I trust that Lobot greeted you as planned?”

- “Yes. And I want to thank you again for taking such good care of the

Fire,” Mara stated. The seemingly endless smile of the Corellian never

faltered.

- “Well, you and Luke returned the Luck in prestige order as well.”

- “That was the least we could do,” she said.

His smile suddenly disappeared. Mara could immediately tell that Calrissian

had something more on his mind than merely reassuring himself that she was

all right.

- “Well, there is actually one thing more you can do for me, Mara. And

that’s partly why I’m calling you.”

- “Why am I not surprised?” she wondered. - “What do you want, Calrissian?”

The smile of his returned.

- “I’d like to have dinner with you.”

This request however, she had never expected.

- “Dinner?”

- “Yes. At my place. Tomorrow evening. Just you and me. What do you say,

Mara?”

Mara quickly considered his offer. Luke would no longer be on Coruscant

after tonight. And she had no pressing work waiting at this time. Besides,

Lando had been very kind during all that had happened on Anargosa. She did

not have the heart to turn him down. Not this time. One dinner she could

survive in his company.

- “Since I have nothing better to do, why not?” she finally said.

- “Excellent!”

Lando’s joy seemed a bit exaggerated. But Mara did not pay too much

attention to it. She could hardly remember a time when Calrissian did not

exaggerate. Besides, she wanted to end this conversation so she could return

to her special guest.

- “When shall I arrive?” she asked.

- “I will send a speeder for you that will pick you up,” he explained. - “At

18:00 hours?”

- “That sounds alright,” Mara agreed. - “What shall I wear?”

- “Anything you like, my dear,” Lando stated. - “You are always beautiful.”

Mara nearly nodded. Somehow, Calrissian’s compliments didn’t mean so very

much to her.

Not the way Luke’s did anyway.

- “I’ll see you tomorrow evening then, Lando. Bye.”

*************************

Luke was waiting for her when Mara returned to the living room. But he was

no longer seated on the couch. He was standing in the middle of the room.

And he had already fetched his robe. It hung over his right arm.

Mara stared at him in surprise.

- “Are you leaving?”

Luke nodded and seemed a bit regretful.

- “I better get going,” he said. - “I have much work to get done.”

He looked at her. Mara was so beautiful. So clever. So much fun. So full of

life! How had he managed to not see it so clearly before?

Yes, he had to leave her now. But not only because his duty was calling him.

He had to leave her to her own destiny.

‘She’s a queen who deserves a king,’ Luke stated to himself. ‘Someone other

than me. So different from me. She doesn’t see me.’

- “I happened to overhear a little,” he explained. He could barely contain

his inner pain. He didn’t want to feel jealous. But he was.

- “Lando’s invited you to dinner? That’s… that’s nice.”

- “Yes.”

Mara observed him with slight suspicion. Luke seemed strange all of a

sudden, even slightly upset. And secretive.

It reminded her of something she had tried to ask him about Lando on their

trek back from Anargosa but then had received no answer. Would he give her

an answer now?

- “Is this the thing you could not tell me about him?”

Yes, it was.

Luke knew perfectly well what Lando was planning! He had invited Mara to the

private dinner at his home as he had told him about. Lando was going to

propose to her!

Luke wanted to scream. He did not want this to happen. Not now! Not now when

he felt this way for her!

Mara couldn’t marry Lando. Calrissian did not love her like he did! No

offence to his good, old friend but this was really just a game to Lando, a

way to hide from his true problems with Tendra.

But if he revealed Lando’s plans he would betray his friend. On the other

hand, if he didn’t prevent this, Mara maybe would accept Lando’s proposal.

Maybe.

Luke didn’t know. He had no idea what was going to happen. Except for one

thing.

He could not betray Lando’s trust. Calrissian had at least the guts to act,

to court Mara properly and express his feelings for her. Maybe he deserved

to marry Mara?

While Luke himself merely seemed to deserve the solitude he was already so

befriended with.

No, he would not betray Lando’s trust.

He had no right to intervene in this.

It all lay in the hands of the Force.

- “I think it’s wonderful that two friends can have dinner together,” Luke

said and threw his robe over his shoulders. - “I’m sure you will have a

wonderful evening tomorrow night. And, please tell Lando I said hello.”

- “I will.”

He was holding something back from her, Mara just knew it. She couldn’t

sense anything from him but she could always tell when someone did not tell

her the whole truth. Luke knew more about this than he wanted to admit. He

had all along, ever since Anargosa.

Okay, Lando had invited her to a private dinner, so what? What was so secret

about that?

And why did that create such a sad look on her friend’s face?

There was no use in even asking him.

Luke would never tell her.

She slowly followed him to her hallway.

- “Will I be hearing from you soon?” Mara enquired.

- “Certainly,” Luke reassured her. - “I’m never far away. And I still need a

few more dance instructions.”

Mara shook her head.

- “No, you don’t,” she corrected. - “But I can help you keep the illusion

that you do, if you like.”

- “Yes. I would like that.”

They reached her front door.

- “If you ever need me, Mara, you know where to find me. And if you ever

should be passing by Yavin 4…”

- “Then I will definitely drop by, I swear,” Mara promised him. - “I have no

longer an excuse why I shouldn’t. I have given you two commitments now,

remember?”

Yes, he remembered the other commitment, even if it actually had slipped his

mind a bit. She had promised him to one day let him train her in the ways of

the Force. That she kept reminding him of that promise showed her commitment

to it.

And that was really the only light in Luke’s dark tunnel that he now could

see.

This was not goodbye forever. He would see Mara again. And their friendship

was intact and in fact stronger than ever.

But would she have given a commitment to another man as well by the next

time he saw her?

- “I wish the best of luck to you, Luke,” Mara said. Luke was right; he had

a lot of important work to deal with. Even if she had hoped he could have

stayed a little longer she would not keep him here.

- “I hope you’ll find the answers you are looking for.”

- “I must find them,” Luke stated. - “There is no other way.”

Even if that was so, no matter how badly he must find the answer to how to

defeat the spirit of Palpatine, all Luke could think of right now was how

deeply he loved this woman that stood before him. Right now, nothing had a

greater importance in his life.

He wanted to tell her how he felt. But he couldn’t. For the sake of his

friendship with both Mara and Lando, Luke had to keep quiet.

Even if it was tearing his heart to pieces.

- “Until the next time… take care of yourself, Mara,” Luke said and embraced

her anew.

- “And good luck.”

- “With what?” Mara wondered. What did he know to wish her luck to?

- “With everything,” he replied.

Luke gently pulled her a little closer still. This was perhaps his very last

chance before she would no longer be available. He pressed his lips to her

cheek, kissing her gently and slightly longer than necessary. A tiny moan of

pleasure escaped him as he did this.

Then he stepped back.

- “May the Force be with you,” he finally said, taking in the final image of

her before he had to go.

Before he had to leave her.

- “And with you.”

Luke would never forget this image.

Mara looked like an angel.

Then he was gone.

The door closed between him and Mara.

She remained there by the door, feeling confused and uncertain. Mara went

through the whole evening with him in her mind, trying to sort out what

truly had happened here. Because she did not quite understand it.

She did not understand him.

Luke had shown such dramatic contrasts tonight. In one moment he kept as far

away from her as he could master but in the next he tried to get as close to

her as he possibly could. He claimed he didn’t dance, yet he turned out to

be an excellent dancing partner. And the way he had held her…

The way he had looked at her.

There lay the change she thought she had spotted earlier tonight when he

arrived!

It was the way he looked at her!

But what did it mean?

And why had he seemed so sad, even upset, after Calrissian’s call? Was the

call really the reason why he suddenly was in such a hurry to leave? The

minute earlier he had shown no signs of being in any hurry at all.

Luke was running. He was running from something.

Or someone.

Just like she had done herself for years.

Mara gritted her teeth and hit the door with her fist. She cursed herself.

Yes, she had tested him a little tonight, to simply see how far she could

go. She wanted to know so desperately.

If Luke was in real life as he was in her dreams.

And yet she had sworn to herself to not do this! That she should continue to

leave him alone! Luke was not supposed to know of her genuine feelings for

him. Not until he was ready and she would find the right moment to explain

everything to him.

What she had attempted tonight was not the right way.

How could she have been so stupid!?

She had put everything at risk!

Especially her precious friendship with him.

‘Blast!’ she cursed in her mind and hit the door again with her fist. ‘How

could I be such an idiot!? Why now? Why now when I’ve finally have begun to

live with this? When I’ve finally learned to control it!?’

This was her fault. But the blame was not entirely hers either. Luke had

given her the opportunity to try her little experiment. His gazes, his sweet

words and his gentle touches… It all had encouraged her to do what she had

done, to ask him to dance with her.

A dance perhaps did not mean a thing. Still, it had created consequences

that quickly had almost fallen out of their reach of control. The only

reason why she had suggested getting some drinks for them both was because

she had needed to create some distance between them for a few seconds before

she would have done something she would regret.

Mara did not wish to explain to Luke why a mere dance with him was enough to

turn her on. He would never believe her if she told him.

And even less would he understand why.

Everything had become so complicated. What was happening to them? Why was

this happening? Why did he look at her that way?

Luke had kept watching her tonight as if he had seen an angel.

She was no angel.

- “Damn it, Luke!” Mara muttered under her breath. - “Why are you doing this

to me!?”

*************************

As soon as her front door closed, Luke turned on his heel. With swift,

desperate steps he hurried towards the elevator. He pushed the button

through his telekinesis abilities before he even had gotten to it. With each

step he quickened the pace. The elevator doors opened just when he arrived.

He hurried inside the cart and pushed the button to get down. He had to get

out of here. The desire to run back was too powerful. And he could not let

that happen!

Still, Luke could not keep himself from turning around inside the elevator

cart and look back towards Mara’s apartment.

- “Goodbye, my precious Mara,” he spoke silently. He fought to keep his

tears back as the elevator doors started to close.

- “I… I love you.”

Yes, he loved her. And now he had said it out loud for the first time. It

felt so liberating to say those words! But no one but himself was able to

hear them.

The doors closed and the elevator was starting to descend.

Into the same direction as the tears that were running down his face.

Luke leaned his head against the doors as the elevator kept moving downward,

taking him farther and farther away from Mara.

He was so angry with himself. So deeply disappointed. He was such a fool.

Such a damned fool! Why did he always have to take concern for everybody

else? Why did he always have to protect the feelings of others? Why could he

never show the same respect and dedication to himself? To his own feelings

and needs?

He was always the one getting hurt!

Always the one that ended up alone.

He could hear the whispers of the Dark Side at the back of his mind. As

always, they reappeared and began speaking to him whenever he was

vulnerable. The more his heart ached, the more the whispers called out to

him.

Luke quickly forced himself to calm down. He wiped away his tears and began

breathing regularly. He listened merely to the voice of the Force, ignoring

the haunting and tempting whispers of the Dark Side.

But why was it that every time he listened to the voice of the Force it was

then he felt his love for Mara stronger than ever?

He was going crazy. He would soon not be able to take this anymore!

Luke raised his gaze upwards, feeling her presence all the way up there. She

was so close. But she had never been farther away from him than she was

right now.

- “I love you, Mara!” he yelled out at the top of his lungs. - “I love you,

I love you..!”

But it didn’t matter how much he loved her.

It would change nothing.

 

To be continued in: "Evening Falls"

Back to authors Page

Back to Fan Fiction