THE HEART OF THE JEDI

 

HONESTY

by Martina

 Disclaimer: The people and situations used in this fic are the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. 

This chapter NC-13

 

 

He was slowly but surely losing his mind.

Lando Calrissian paced back and forth on the riverbank. It had been over an

hour since Luke had jumped into the water to try and save Mara who was

trapped underneath the mountain. An hour since Mara’s attacker had attacked

him as well, but failed.

Lando gazed over to the dead body a few meters away from him. He had

examined the man’s clothes for any kind of identification but had found

nothing. And that was what had happened ever since, nothing. Luke had not

called him back over the comlink. And there was no trace of either him or

Mara.

Lando did not want to fear the worst. If he had been Force sensitive he

would have been able to determine if his two friends were still alive or

not. As things lay, all he could do was wait.

But for how long?

It was then that he thought to glimpse something up ahead in the forest.

Something black and green seemed to come closer. And soon he could see it

was the colours of the clothes of his two missing friends.

Luke had found her!

And they were both all right!

Filled with enormous relief, he ran up to meet his two very exhausted

friends.

- “By the Force, my friends! I’m so relieved you’re not dead!”

Calrissian embraced Luke quickly, so glad to see the Jedi Master alive.

- “You were gone for so long, I feared the worst”.

- “It was a close call there for a while,” Luke said, not too keen to engage

in any longer description of what had happened. Lando immediately turned to

the lady by their side. He took her hands and squeezed them gently.

- “Mara, are you all right?”

A little puzzled by Lando’s approach, she carefully pulled her hands away.

She was not at all as close a friend to Calrissian as Luke was.

- “Yes, considering the circumstances,” she mumbled.

Luke noticed her reaction. Privy to Lando’s real intentions, the whole

situation made him uncomfortable. But Luke was the only one of the three who

felt it at the moment. And right now they didn’t have time to get deeper

into it.

- “I’m sorry I didn’t get back to you, I lost the comlink,” Luke cut in.

- “I did worse,” Lando admitted. - “The guy who attacked Mara showed up

again. He managed to blast off the wire before I managed to nail him.”

Luke nodded. That explained what had happened earlier.

- “Where is he?” Mara demanded.

- “Over there,” Lando explained and gazed over to the dead body. - “He tried

to blast me into oblivion as well. But his lucky star wasn’t with him

today.”

Mara quickly passed the two men and hurried up to the corpse of the man that

had tried to kill her. She quickly turned him over and, to both Luke’s and

Lando’s puzzlement, started to rip apart the back of the man’s shirt. It did

not take her long to find what she was looking for and had expected all

along.

In the small of his back, the man wore a tiny, yet very visible tattoo. It

was the Imperial crest.

In frustration, Mara pushed the body away from her.

- “As I thought. Imperial scum!”

Luke sensed the anger rise within her but it quickly returned to where it

had come from. This time he could not even blame her for her feelings. And

she seemed to control her anger pretty well, too.

- “Are you sure you don’t have any idea at all why the Remnant is interested

in you, Mara?” he asked again.

- “No.”

Mara looked the two men in the eyes.

- “Unlike you guys I’ve been staying clear of them for a long time. Unless

there’s some old Imperial big-shot with a grudge on me still around

somewhere, I have no idea why they want to see me dead so pretty badly.”

Luke could tell that Mara was seeking the same answer as he, that she was

asking the same question as he. But if she did not have any clue then they

had nothing to go on. And they had other and more urgent matters to attend

to.

- “No time to worry about that now,” he said. - “You need medical care,

Mara.”

He turned to Calrissian.

- “And we must return to Coruscant as soon as possible.”

Lando nodded.

- “The Lady Luck has the proper medical equipment. Anything you need.”

*************************

That breathing through an oxygen mask could be such a delight had never

crossed Mara’s mind before.

She pressed the mask to her face and breathed normally. The difficulty to

breathe had vanished and so had most of the pain. She still didn’t feel

completely all right, though. Something was not entirely right with her.

She looked over to Lando as he checked out her readings on a large screen.

It amazed her that Lando had managed to get a hold of this kind of

sophisticated equipment; it was usually used by hospitals and medical

centres only. But Calrissian often had the right connections. The entire

interior of the Lady Luck was testimony to that fact.

She studied Lando’s face. He did not look too optimistic, but he said

nothing.

- “Here, Mara.”

The sight of Skywalker entering the room made Mara forget her worries for

the moment. Especially since he was holding her missing lightsaber in his

hand.

- “I believe you were missing this.”

Mara removed the mask for a moment and happily accepted her lost Jedi

weapon. She was relieved to see that the saber showed no signs of damage.

- “Thanks. I tend to feel naked without it,” she explained. Luke gave her a

little smile.

- “I know the feeling,” he said and sat down next to her. - “Speaking of

feelings, how are you doing?”

- “Better,” she said. - “It’s much easier to breathe now. Most of the pain

is gone.”

She looked over to Calrissian again.

- “What do the readings say?”

Lando sighed. He had wished to give her better news.

- “Everything looks almost normal.”

Mara did not like the sound of that.

- “What do you mean, ‘almost’?”

Lando pointed to the screen that showed the interior of her lungs and

airways.

- “There are still small amounts of water left in your lungs, Mara,” Lando

explained. - “I can’t do anything about it here. Only a proper med centre

can remove it all.”

- “Is she in danger?” Luke wondered.

- “Not necessarily,” Lando said. - “That she’s breathing on her own

indicates that she’s okay. But I’ve heard stories about people that have

been drowned by fluid still left in their lungs after they have been

rescued. I don’t know how great the risk is but we should not take any

chances.”

- “I agree,” Luke said. - “We should all return to Coruscant as soon as

possible.”

Mara nodded in agreement and rose to her feet.

- “Well, thank you, boys, for all your help. I’ll see you both on Coruscant,

then.”

Luke grabbed her arm, stopping her abruptly.

- “Where are you going?”

Mara stared at his hand that grabbed her arm, surprised at what he had done.

He slowly released her.

- “To my ship,” she explained.

- “Does the Jade’s Fire have the proper medical equipment to keep an eye on

your condition?” Luke asked. Just because he was no longer holding her

didn’t mean he was going to let her run off either. He was still worried

about her.

Mara sighed and looked at the modern equipment that filled the Lady Luck’s

little infirmary.

- “No. Not of this kind.”

She made a mental note to update her own ship with this kind of equipment as

soon as possible. But first she had to get away from the Jedi Master’s still

tight hold on her. She knew what Luke was going to say before he actually

did.

- “Then there’s no way I’m letting you go alone, Mara!”

- “I agree with Luke,” Lando said. - “For your own safety, you must travel

on the Lady Luck so we can monitor you.”

The irritation within her mounted some more. Now both of them were teaming

up against her!

- “No way!” she spat.

- “Mara, we are not saying this to be a pain in the butt,” Lando continued.

- “Luke and I are both worried about you.”

- “That’s right, we are,” Luke filled in. - “You need someone to keep an eye

on you as well, to help you if something should happen. It’s not worth

putting your life at stake.”

- “Please, I’m not a baby!” Mara insisted - “It’ll take but a day and a half

to get back to Coruscant.”

- “And your condition can shift at a moment’s notice.” Luke answered. - “I’m

sorry, Mara, but you must remain aboard the Luck. I will not accept no for

an answer.”

He did not accept no for an answer?

The rage let her heart beat harder in her chest. Mara had to force herself

not to fist her hands. The cursed Jedi! He always knew which buttons to

push. How dared he give her orders!? How dared he decide for her what to

do!? What gave him the right to decide things over her head!?

- “Thanks for reminding me why I’ve never joined your Jedi Order, Skywalker.

You get even more annoying when you throw orders around!”

Her sudden anger hit him hard. And it hurt him deeply. Luke had no idea why

Mara was so upset and angry with him all of a sudden. Her words, even though

she had spoken calmly, worried him. Despite her promise, he now feared that

she was no longer going to let him train her.

Mara saw the change in his eyes. So quickly they had changed from determined

to sad. Very sad, even. That had not been her intention. All she had wanted

to do was to remind him that she took orders from no one. That was one of

the reasons why she had turned her back to the Emperor in the first place.

She did not need a new Master of the Force to tell her what to do and to

take charge of her life.

Not even if that Master happened to be Luke Skywalker.

Still, she had managed to hurt him. Naturally, he must have sensed her

anger. She had disappointed him again. And she was not as angry as she gave

the impression of. She calmed herself, praying that Luke would, too.

- “What about my ship?” she asked. - “I’m not leaving her behind.”

- “I’ll take care of the Fire for you,” Luke said, hoping that his offer

would make her see more reason. - “She’s fast, which is exactly what I need

anyway.”

- “Don’t worry, Mara,” Lando cut in and placed his hands on her shoulders,

starting to guide her out of the infirmary, putting on the largest smile he

could produce. - “You will have a smooth ride back to Coruscant with me. I

will make sure that you feel fine and have everything you need.”

Luke could not help it, but as he followed them out into the centre of the

ship, he could not avoid feeling a bit disgusted by Lando’s approach. He did

not want to react this way. And he knew that Lando was in love with Mara. Or

at least Lando thought he was. Luke wasn’t so very sure of the real nature

of the other’s feelings. Either way, Calrissian should not move in on her in

her current state. Mara was still shaken by her near-death experience and a

bit vulnerable. That was why she had lashed out at him just a moment ago.

And if Lando wasn’t careful, he would be the next target of her wrath.

He was actually pleased when Mara stepped away from his elder friend.

- “This demands a compromise or there will be no trip back at all,” Mara

dictated and looked the two men straight in the eye. - “I agree to ride back

to Coruscant on The Luck but on one condition!”

Her green eyes suddenly didn’t let go of the Jedi Master.

- “I want Luke to go with me.”

Lando could not hide his surprise.

- “What?”

- “May I ask why?” Luke asked, feeling somewhat puzzled at her suggestion.

- “I’d feel safer if a Jedi kept an eye on my condition,” Mara explained. -

“Medical equipment can be wrong.”

She looked at Lando once more. And Luke could swear he could see a change in

her eyes. They suddenly seemed… more seductive!

- “Lando, the Luck’s engines are quite fast as well, right?”

- “The best.”

- “Then I’m sure Luke won’t mind riding with me instead of flying the Fire

back all by himself.”

- “The Fire is even faster, Mara,” Luke reminded.

That irritated look on her face made a quick return. She was trying to make

herself a deal here and the Jedi constantly tried to ruin her plans. He most

likely had no idea, as usual, that he was messing things up for her but that

was no excuse.

- “Thanks, farmboy, but I don’t need you to tell me how my own ship

performs,” she told him firmly. - “You jumped into freezing water to save

me. Are you now man and a Jedi enough to keep an eye on a lady that asks for

a little assistance? Or isn’t this enough of a challenge for you?”

Luke said nothing. He understood that Mara wanted him to shut up. He had

been around her long enough to see the signs.

After finally making him shut up, at least for the moment, Mara focused her

attention on the other man once more. She stepped closer to him, very

gracefully.

- “What do you say, Calrissian? Do you mind if Skywalker and I borrow your

ship?”

- “Well, I…”

Mara gave Lando a very deep look and even put her arms around his neck.

Lando swallowed. This was almost too good to be true. She was making moves

on him!

Luke’s heart was pounding. He did not approve of what he saw. He did not

like it one bit. For many reasons.

Why did Mara do this!? How could she use Lando like this? How could she do

this to him? Had she any idea what she was putting them all into?

And not just herself and Lando. But Luke as well.

But to prevent making things even worse, Luke decided to keep quiet. It was

not his place to say anything here.

But he did not like it.

Not the least.

And he felt feelings he barely dared confess to his own soul.

- “I’d really appreciate it if you did this for me,” Mara said in a soft

tone, moving even closer to Lando. - “And you’ll get to fly the Fire! Think

about it! That’s a rare privilege, Calrissian! Very rare indeed!”

Lando gasped and turned to look at Luke for a second. Only the Jedi Master

would understand how lucky he was right now.

- “How can a humble guy refuse the bidding of such a beautiful lady?”

Luke did not answer.

He knew nothing good would follow if he did. Instead he bit his tongue to

make sure he did not utter a word.

*************************

Mara kept staring out the cockpit windows of the Lady Luck with what seemed

to be never ending fascination. But her mind was elsewhere.

They had been travelling through hyperspace for nearly three hours, leaving

Anargosa behind and heading straight for Coruscant. They would arrive at the

capital planet by tomorrow afternoon.

Lando would arrive a few hours earlier. Luke had been right – The Jade’s

Fire was faster than the Lady Luck. Her persuasion to make Calrissian fly

her ship back for her while Luke and she travelled with the Luck had worked.

She had twisted Lando around her fingers with such ease.

It had surprised her, though, that Luke had asked his trusted and beloved

astromech to go with Lando. Somehow Mara had the feeling that Luke’s intent

was not just to make sure that R2 kept Lando company on the journey back.

Luke rarely went anywhere without the droid and R2 himself basically never

left his Master’s side.

But this time, the droid had not objected at all. Mara had never seen this

behaviour in the two before. More was going on here than she was aware of,

she was sure of it. Even Lando had seemed somehow secretive and had agreed

to everything in silence.

Silence.

That was what ruled this ship right now. It could just as well have been a

ghost ship. Luke was in the main room, meditating. He had not spoken much to

her at all since they had left Anargosa. Once in hyperspace, they had both

taken their turn in the fresher, changed and also taken a little snack. But

barely anything had been said.

Mara was a bit concerned over this fact. And worried, too. Luke might have

been the master of serenity but he was not an unsocial man. He did not keep

this quiet because he had nothing to say.

He remained silent because he didn’t want to talk to her. He even avoided

her if he could, leaving the room when she entered it.

The mighty Jedi Master was behaving like a stubborn little boy. What was up

with him?

Mara never liked being kept out or not knowing what was going on. Right now

it felt as if she had landed right in a mighty conspiracy that she had an

impact on but no control or knowledge of.

Luke’s odd behaviour disappointed her. It was not at all like him to act

this immaturely. At the same time, though, her instincts told her that he

was right in the middle of a fight. He was fighting something, battling an

invisible foe she did not see. Luke was so tired. And she was worried for

him.

And therefore she could not be mad at him. He could still fill her in a bit

more. He could not be dumb enough to believe she didn’t notice all this.

No, he wasn’t.

Even though Luke kept his distance, he also kept an eye on her all the time,

which was his duty right now. Mara sensed his observing eye within the

Force, hanging over her constantly. She could not go anywhere on this ship

without him knowing it. He would even detect the slightest sneeze.

Having his protection, though, was soothing. Mara had been honest when she

had wished for Luke and not Lando to keep her under observation. She still

didn’t feel quite all right. And Luke didn’t need to be her shadow to keep

an eye on her, which Lando most certainly would have been if he had been the

one to go with her. Mara was so relieved that she had managed to persuade

the two men to do this for her. Thanks to Luke’s insistence, it had almost

not worked.

Luke was being awfully quiet out there. She could just as well have been

aboard all by herself. Mara got out of the pilot’s chair to go out and check

on him. He could not remain a zombie like this towards her forever.

As she stood up a small object caught her eye. It lay on the control board

as if it had been left behind in a hurry. Curiosity hit her and Mara picked

it up. It was a small jewellery box. Calrissian’s obviously. Luke would not

spread these things around.

Unable to resist, she opened the box.

Not unfamiliar to luxurious items in her kind of business, the beauty and

value of the ring inside made her gasp. It was a golden ring for a woman. It

was covered with precious green and red stones. And it was a fine work.

Mara felt drawn to the ring. Its colours appealed to her - her own colours.

This was a ring that was way too expensive for her to dare to wear or even

own, though. It was beautiful, even if too luxurious for her taste.

To find such a ring in Calrissian’s possession did not surprise her. This

looked like a wedding ring. Could it be that Lando was finally planning to

ask for Tendra’s hand in marriage? If so, it was great news!

She still felt a bit doubtful. If Tendra was the one to receive this ring,

then why was Lando all over her instead? It had been years since Lando had

last approached her as intimately as he had today and Mara had hoped those

days would belong to the past.

She closed the lid and put the box back on the control board. There was

indeed a lot going on here that she did not understand. And she wanted to

change of that.

It was time she got started.

She exited the cockpit to seek up her presently very silent Jedi friend.

*************************

Luke sensed her approach. He quickly decided not to end his meditation and

leave the room this time. He could not play hide and seek forever. Mara was

growing more and more suspicious and impatient with him.

He only hoped that she would not bother him.

He truly wished to be alone right now.

His mind and feelings were a total mess.

He could not get it out of his mind. The way Mara had seduced Lando like

that. She had even put her arms around him, using all the sexy charm at her

disposal. And she had done it just like that, on a whim! While she could

barely even give him a hug in friendship. What the hell made Lando so

blasted special!?

Luke did not understand why all this bothered him so much, but it hurt. It

hurt so badly! And not only was that intimate image of Mara and Lando

together so painful, it also made him feel jealous.

Even angry.

He was a Jedi. He was not supposed or allowed to give in to these kinds of

feelings. Luke knew better than this. His own, brief walk on the Dark Side

should have been enough to make him remember that lesson for the rest of his

life. And most of the time it did.

But not now.

What in all blazers was wrong with him!? For almost a decade he had been

warning his students of these very emotions. He had repeated over and over

again for them to fight back and to never give in.

And now he was no better himself.

True, he had not given in to anything. Yet. But the temptation was stronger

than ever. A lot stronger than his defences usually were.

Most of all, though, Luke felt deeply embraced by his own disappointment. He

was feeling anger towards two of his best friends. He allowed something as

trivial as jealousy, a nasty and deceitful emotion, to overpower him. And

why, in the name of the Force, was he jealous to begin with!?

He could not blame Lando for not warning him of his intentions. But it

wasn’t Lando that had triggered Luke’s feelings anyway.

It was Mara.

And not just negative feelings.

He continued to keep his eyes closed in deep concentration as he sensed and

heard Mara enter the room behind him. She was observing him closely but said

nothing as she sat down on the couch right behind him. He heard her sigh

deeply on purpose. Yes, his ignorance of her was beginning to drive her

nuts. Well, for once, she actually deserved that!

Mara eyed her friend carefully. Luke knew she was there. Yet, he continued

to pretend she wasn’t there. Or he didn’t care.

Luke was sitting, with crossed legs, on the living room table, making it his

private meditation chair. If Lando had seen him sitting on top of his

expensive table, he would probably have freaked, Mara mused.

For once, Luke was not wearing his black Jedi uniform, since it had become

all wet and dirty in the river earlier. Instead he wore a dark green,

sleeveless top and a pair of grey pants, clothes he only wore in private or

during training. It was a welcome change for her.

His behaviour, however, was certainly not.

Mara kept staring at him, her green eyes almost burning into his back. She

had seen more of his back than his face since they had left Anargosa behind

and she was definitely fed up with it. She would not tolerate this attitude

from him any longer!

- “If you’re going to remain quiet all the way back to Coruscant, Jedi, then

this trip will get boring pretty fast.”

To her utter surprise, Luke actually answered her.

- “I’m not on a pleasure cruise.”

He had not moved. But at least he was talking. That was not good enough,

though.

Mara rose from the couch and circled the table he was sitting on, coming to

stand right in front of him. His eyes remained closed but Mara knew he saw

her anyway.

- “Perhaps not,” she said and crossed her arms. - “But you are annoyed,

Luke. I can always tell when you are. By what, however, I can not figure

out. Except that I get the bad feeling that I have something to do with your

silence.”

To make him wake up she placed her hands on his shoulders. Her touch had the

desired effect. Finally those blue eyes of his were paying her some

attention.

- “Come on, Luke, I’m a big girl. Don’t try to be polite by holding back

what’s on your mind.”

Luke sighed. He had known this would come sooner or later.

- “You were not being honest, Mara.”

It came as no great surprise to him that Mara seemed unaware of what he was

talking about.

- “What do you mean?”

- “Lando could just as well have gone with you.”

Her hands left his shoulders.

- “I prefer someone with Force abilities to keep an eye on me,” she said. -

“Just in case.”

A tiny, even intimidating grin appeared on his face as he slowly shook his

head.

- “Nice try, Mara, but it doesn’t work. Not with me,” Luke explained. - “You

are no longer in any immediate danger.”

- “We don’t know that for sure,” Mara stated and went back to the couch. She

knew he would not ignore her any longer.

- “I still don’t feel completely recovered. And as much as I hate to admit

it, you and Lando were right. We should not take any unnecessary risks”.

Luke swung around 180 degrees so he could look at her. She had demanded his

attention; he was not going to let her run away from it now.

- “You don’t need a Jedi’s supervision of your condition,” he stated

clearly. - “All you need is the medical equipment to monitor you until we

reach Coruscant. Lando can operate that. Better than I can. It’s after all

his own equipment. And this is his ship.”

- “Are you grumpy because I asked you to keep an eye on me, Jedi? You will

still reach Coruscant on time.”

Luke sighed. She was right. Feeding their mutual irritation would not solve

anything. And frankly, he was glad that she had approached him and demanded

his attention. They needed to talk.

- “I don’t mind at all that you asked me to come with you,” Luke said. -

“I’m your friend and will always be there for you when you ask for my help.

I was just saying that you were not being honest.”

- “Honesty, Master Jedi, sometimes tastes worse if you swallow it.”

Her words carried a lot of personal experience with them. But that did not

automatically make it the truth. Nor would her relaxed, yet assured attitude

as she lay down on her side, resting herself on her arm, change his own

personal opinions.

- “I don’t like doing the right thing for the wrong reasons,” Luke reminded.

- “I’ve learned the consequences of that the hard way.”

A chill went down Mara’s back as Luke spoke those words. She knew exactly

what consequences he was referring to! Was he truly comparing his own

reasons to become Palpatine’s apprentice with how she had persuaded Lando to

trade ship with her for a while? Was he insane!?

- “Will you calm yourself?” she asked. Every time Luke spoke of his days on

Byss it made her feel uncomfortable. Not only because it brought with it

painful memories of her own days as the Emperor’s Hand, but because Mara

also knew that Luke was deeply burdened by something if and when he dragged

that subject up.

She didn’t need to make a wild guess that he was worried about something

today, nor did he need to drag this up to make her see that.

- “I wish to remind you that it was the two of you that insisted that I

should remain on this ship, not me,” she continued. - “I only asked

Calrissian for a favour – that doesn’t mean I will turn to the Dark Side.”

His comparison with his reasons why he had almost fallen to the Dark Side

and what she had done today was ridiculous! It was not the same thing at

all. Had the jungles of Yavin 4 finally made him paranoid? Was this the

silly reason why he had tried to shun her the entire afternoon?

- “You did more than ask for a favour,” Luke said. His steady gaze, his tone

of voice… there was no doubt about it. He was 100% the Jedi Master right

now.

- “You used Lando. You took advantage of him being a gentleman. You knew he

would not deny you.”

Mara sat up again. Okay, if he was asking for a confession she should give

him one. But only the one that belonged to the truth, not to his delusions.

- “Alright, so I charmed him a little,” Mara admitted. - “But what’s the

difference between that and when you use your mind tricks on people to get

things done, huh?”

Her insinuation did not make him move an inch.

- “I never use Persuasion on friends, neither do I use it otherwise if I can

help it,” Luke said calmly, as if he had done so a thousand times before. -

“A Jedi must remain honest. Only a Sith reaches out for deception. Like I

said, I learned that the hard way.”

He still did not let it go. He still went back to Byss and to all the evil

and the pain that Palpatine had put him through. And this worried Mara

deeply. Something was indeed bothering her friend. Luke was hurting. And

perhaps it wasn’t because of just one thing.

She leaned forward and gently took his hands in hers. He did not protest but

she could see the surprise registering on his face. His hands, quite larger

than her own, rested peacefully and quiet in her gentle hold.

- “Look… I didn’t mean to be rude to Lando, and he was more than kind to

lend us the Lady Luck, even though I would have preferred my own ship.”

She paused. She wanted to find the right words. After all, she wanted to

reassure her friend, not the opposite.

- “But the truth is that I don’t want to travel all the way back to

Coruscant with Lando alone. He’s a nice man, deep down somewhere, but after

just a few hours with him I would go crazy. Sooner or later, one of us would

have ended the journey through the airlock.”

Her choice of words became more serious.

- “I had a choice, Luke, and I took it. I chose you to accompany me.”

Finally, Mara let go of his hands.

- “And I do believe a Jedi can provide better supervision.”

The absence of her hands around his made him feel lonely. Yet Luke felt

still grateful for her kind gesture. It had brought more peace to his mind

and heart than the afternoon spent in meditation.

It was in small moments such as these when he came to realize that there

were things the Force could not provide comfort to. Only the care of another

could.

- “Lando has always had an eye for you, Mara. He would respect you and leave

you in peace if you told him to.”

Mara almost started to giggle. Skywalker, of course, would naturally speak

well of his friend. But Mara had gotten to know a side of Calrissian, just

because she was a woman, that was impossible for Luke to understand.

- “Hasn’t your brother-in-law taught you anything, Skywalker?” she asked. -

“No woman can ever tell a Corellian scoundrel to stay away, especially one

who thinks he’s as charming as Lando thinks he is. There’s no way,

especially on a small ship.”

Luke nodded while he got off the table and rose to his feet.

- “I suppose you’re right.”

- “Lando still has an eye for me?”

Her question made him freeze. Had he said too much?

- “Is that so surprising?” he asked carefully, trying to figure out just how

much Mara knew.

The grin on Mara’s face widened. It was not often that she managed to catch

the Jedi Master with his guard down.

- “Why do I get the feeling that you know something I don’t?” she asked in

return, never answering his question. - “You do know something, Skywalker,

don’t you?”

Yes, he did. Lando had told him the past morning only, but yes, he knew.

Lando planned to propose to Mara. But he could not tell Mara. Lando would

not approve since he wanted to handle that himself. Besides, it was not

Luke’s place to tell. He had no idea how Mara would react, either.

But he had to give her some kind of answer.

But what?

- “Only what most men feel when they bump into you,” Luke said carefully,

feeling more and more as if he were pushing himself into the corner with no

way out. They had been speaking of Lando, but had ended up talking about him

instead. He must divert the focus off himself somehow.

- “And Lando has never kept much of that to himself regarding you.”

- “You’re lying.”

Luke stared at her, feeling rather insulted. Not even her sweet smile could

change that.

- “I am not!” he objected. Mara simply shook her head slowly.

- “You’re not telling me the whole story,” she stated calmly. - “You’re just

telling me enough to keep me satisfied, telling me what you think I want to

hear. And you try to lecture me about honesty.”

Luke eyes dropped slightly. He could not deny that she was right. But he

could not tell her what was going on. He could not reveal Lando’s plans.

Nor what he was himself feeling inside.

Mara observed him for a moment, evaluating whether she should tell him what

she was considering to do. What harm could there be, telling him? It would

make it easier for him to understand.

- “You know, Palpatine once told me that your father used to do the same

thing all the time. He was only revealing as much as he could afford without

telling the whole story, which of course were his plans to take over the

galaxy together with you. I can tell you that you’re not being more

successful than he was.”

Mara could have sworn that the look on Luke’s face was of a kind that she

had never seen before. It was not merely surprise she saw. It was mixed with

disappointment. Disappointment that she had never told him this after all

this time. And Mara also saw one more thing.

Anger.

Controlled and restrained, but anger just the same.

Apparently her rather innocent flashback had surprised him much more than

she had anticipated. But maybe it was just as well.

- “There’s more to this, but you just don’t want to tell me,” she went on.

Luke looked away from her.

No, he did not want to tell her anything right now. Why should he? Why

should he tell her anything when she had never told him about this before?

True, it was nothing he hadn’t already been able to guess regarding his

father. But Luke did not want to guess. He wanted to know. Now a close

friend had confirmed his assumptions as if it were no big deal. To Mara it

probably meant little. But not to him!

What he kept hidden among his things in his bunk, the remains of the mask of

Darth Vader, quickly came to mind. Luke had brought it with him from Endor

for one reason only. It had sentimental value to him. He had not showed his

findings to either Lando, Mara or R2.

But even so, Mara should know how deeply he valued even the smallest bit of

information about his father. He had never kept this desire to know away

from her or anybody. After all these years, Luke had thought that Mara had

no more to tell him.

Apparently, he had been mistaken.

The only thing that remained now was the question of what else about her he

had been mistaken throughout all the years. What else did he not know?

- “Alright then, keep your secrets,” Mara responded to his insisting

silence, unaware of the turmoil that was truly going on in the Jedi’s mind

at the moment. - “But at least tell me what’s up with Lando.”

The mention of Calrissian caught Luke’s attention once more. He pushed his

anger aside.

- “What about him?”

Mara rose to her feet.

- “He’s not quite himself. Well, actually, he’s too much of himself, like he

used to be in the past. He’s like a leach.”

Normally, Luke would not have accepted anyone calling a friend this. But

right now, hearing Mara say this filled him with such a great sense of hope.

The hope that Lando’s charm truly had no effect on her and that the red

haired woman was not the least interested.

- “Has something happened between him and Tendra or something?”

- “Yeah, they have apparently broken up,” Luke explained with regret. - “I

truly don’t know much about it.”

- “I’m sorry to hear that.”

The sad look on her face increased his sense of hope even more, even if the

same hope scared him. How could he not wish the best for Lando and grant him

his happiness?

Why was he so jealous?

- “Tendra is the kind of woman that Calrissian needs.”

- “I agree,” Luke said.

- “We better be extra careful with his precious ship then,” Mara suggested.

- “We can’t risk him losing another lady he cares about.”

Luke looked at her. Mara was so innocently unaware of what was going on. How

would she react to the fact that Lando suddenly had fallen for her and even

wanted her to become his wife? Judging from the impression she gave him now,

it felt as if Mara would not approve. She didn’t seem to be interested in

Lando at all in any other way but as a friend. Luke knew it wasn’t fair. And

a Jedi should not think such thoughts. But this relieved him a lot.

He suddenly reacted to Mara’s physical proximity as she studied him closely.

She put her finger under his chin and raised his head slightly so she could

look at him better.

- “Luke, you should head over to your cabin and hit the bunk for some well

deserved sleep. You can barely keep your eyes open.”

Having her so near made him breathe faster. The last time he had been this

close to her had been when he…

When he had kissed her.

The same, unexplainable desire he had felt then appeared again. But this

time he resisted. This time he recognised the feeling quickly enough to

resist in time.

- “I can’t sleep,” he mumbled, fighting to control his desire.

And he could not tell her about that either. He could not tell her the

reason behind his lack of sleep. That the returned essence of Palpatine

haunted him with terrible nightmares every time he drifted into sleep. The

paradox that Mara had mentioned earlier was indeed true.

Who was he to lecture her about honesty?

- “Then simply lie down and find rest at least,” Mara insisted. - “Please,

try. I don’t think I need your supervision at the moment.”

She did feel relatively okay. Luke’s fatigue was of greater concern to her

right now. Mara was hoping that he would eventually tell her what was going

on. But she did not want to pressure him. The important thing was that he

got some rest, if just a little.

- “Are you sure?”

- “If I do need you I will let you know.”

Luke gave her suggestion some serious consideration. He had to sleep sooner

or later, being haunted by nightmares or not. The Force could not keep him

going forever. Especially not after all the energy he had needed for the

day’s ordeal. And Mara did seem fine as far as he could tell. Her breathing

was stable.

- “Alright,” he finally agreed. - “But I’ll still monitor your condition,

just in case.”

- “With one eye open? You’ll never get any real rest that way.”

- “You asked me to go with you for a reason, didn’t you?”

Mara nodded. She had not forgotten.

- “Yes, I did, Luke. But, the way you look right now, the one who seems to

need supervision is you, not me.”

She smiled at him again; one of those lovely smiles that always warmed his

heart so much. Her right hand caressed the left side of his face. Her touch

was so tender. So soft.

Luke could not blame Lando for falling for Mara’s charming ways. Indeed,

what man could resist a woman like her?

Not even he, a Jedi Master, was unaffected.

Luke took a few steps back, noticing how reluctantly he did so. As much as

he wanted to catch some rest, right now he would have preferred to stay with

her instead. Even if she created all these strange and unexplainable mood

swings within him.

- “Sweet dreams,” she said.

- “That would be nice for a change!”

His words puzzled her. What had he meant by ‘for a change’? How long had he

really gone without sleep?

Luke was just about to exit the room and head for his cabin when he stopped

and turned to face her once more.

- “Mara… You are aware, aren’t you, that you will probably owe Lando a

favour in return for this?”

For switching ships with her? Mara had already counted on that.

- “Nothing I can’t handle,” she stated.

‘I truly hope so,’ Luke thought. After all, he knew things that Mara did

not. And he preferred her sweet innocence over the unavoidable truth that

sooner or later would turn her world upside down.

 

To be continued in: "Do Or Do Not" (hm... sounds familiar, doesn't it?

*grin*)

 

Back to authors Page

Back to Fan Fiction