THE HEART OF THE JEDI

 

WHAT WE DO IN LIFE ECHOES IN ETERNITY

by Martina

 Disclaimer: The people and situations used in this fic are the property of George Lucas and Lucasfilm Ltd. 

This chapter NC-13

 

They had been travelling through the forest near the river for almost thirty

minutes. None of them had said a single word during this time.

Luke continued to carry Mara in his arms while he kept moving through the

terrain, both using the river as well as his Jedi senses to guide him back

towards the ruins and their ships. He also kept Mara under close

observation. He did not dare to risk for her to get breathing problems

again. That was what also drove him to walk faster. No stop.

Mara rested quietly in his strong arms. His insistences to carry her still

irritated her a bit, even though his kind effort had given her badly needed

opportunity to rest and regain a lot of lost strength. Her airways were

still hurting. She knew she had to take it easy.

But so did Luke.

She felt how he struggled to keep going. He was stubborn beyond belief,

nothing new about that. And Mara knew he was a fighter to the bitter end if

necessary. But she could still tell that his body would not take much more

exhaustion. Most of his energy had gone while they had been in the water and

now he used his very last reserves.

Normally this would not have worried her so much. With the help of the

Force, Luke could show enormous strength while others could not. Even some

of the other Jedi could not demonstrate the same endurance he could. But

this was not normal. Luke had not been fully rested when he had arrived at

Anargosa. Neither his mind nor his body had gotten any proper rest in days.

She had no idea why but something was bothering him. Mara had sensed it

earlier during the day and now she sensed it even clearer. Something laid

like a dark shroud over Luke’s mind and it troubled him, something so deep

that his abilities were barely enough to help him this time around.

And that was certainly not normal.

Luke had faced and escaped numerous dangers in his life. He had stared into

the bitter pit of the Dark Side and returned. Not without scars or

exhaustion. But he always came back stronger in some way.

Today, though, he seemed beaten.

Defeated.

It was a quite scary feeling and Mara hoped she was just imagining things.

But somehow she doubted that.

He was merely carrying her through a forest; even a non-Jedi could do that

quite effortlessly. But Luke was almost on the edge of falling asleep on his

feet due to absolute exhaustion. He constantly tripped over roots and he was

sweating as if her weight were several times higher. He also seemed dizzy.

And more than ever, his mind was like a black hole. Not dark as in the Dark

Side, but rather that his mind was sucking everything in and allowed nothing

to escape. When she reached out to him it felt as if she ran right into a

wall without a chance to break it. It made her jerk each time. Probably it

was his silent request for her to stay away and leave his mind alone.

Well, she could no longer leave him alone. She would at least not stay

silent anymore.

- “Luke, I think we should stop for a minute. You’re exhausted.”

The Jedi Master gave her a suspicious look, as if he were totally unaware of

what she was saying and did not at all agree with her.

- “Don’t give me that look!” Mara spat - “I still think it’s ridiculous to

have you carry me.”

She eased down her tone a bit.

- “Seriously, you need to rest a little,” she said. - “You are of no use to

me or yourself half dead.”

To her surprise, Luke actually stopped.

- “If you insist,” he said and sighed deeply. - “A few minutes, then.”

Very conveniently, Luke spotted a large fallen tree, walked up to it and sat

Mara down before joining her. Her suggestion, he acknowledged as he sat

down, had not been so dumb after all. He was awfully tired. A lot more than

he liked to admit. What worried him most, though, was that he had not been

able to keep his fatigue from her.

- “If you don’t put an end to your self-exhaustion I might be worried for

you one day,” Mara stated.

- “You’re charming to the last, Ms Jade,” Luke said, not missing her

sarcasm.

- “So people keep telling me.”

Sitting to her right, he still had an arm around her and hadn’t stopped

warming her through the Force. It was imperative that she did not get too

cold.

- “How are you feeling?”

Her sudden question surprised him.

- “Me?”

Despite what she had just been through, Mara asked him how he felt?

- “I’m fine,” he continued. - “Once I regain most of my strength I’ll back

to my normal self.”

Mara giggled.

- “The Force forbid!”

Luke was not blind to her amusement and smiled himself. Yes, once he

returned to his normal self he would once more be all those things that

constantly annoyed her. Still, he somehow knew that Mara truly wished him to

become strong again. He just knew.

- “What about you?” he asked.

- “Except that my chest feels like it’s on fire every time I’m forced to

draw a breath, I’m all right,” Mara explained.

- “And when you talk?”

- “There’s no difference.”

She eyed him suspiciously.

- “Why?” she wondered. - “You wish me to keep my mouth shut?”

She had totally misunderstood his concern.

- “Even if I wanted that I know that is practically impossible,” Luke

mumbled, feeling immediately that his choice of words had perhaps not been

the best.

- “You know, you can be quite a charmer yourself, Skywalker!” Mara stated,

not quite sure if she should be irritated or amused. - “You treat all women

like that?”

- “No. Just you.”

Now she felt even more confused. For being a Master of the Force, Luke was

truly an expert of speaking in riddles at times, rather than providing

straight answers everyone could understand. A typical Jedi Master indeed!

- “How did you end up in this mess, anyway?” Luke queried, feeling that this

might be the best opportunity to ask what had been on his mind all along. -

“What are you doing here, if you don’t mind me asking?”

- “I was supposed to meet a business contact for Karrde.”

This sounded somehow familiar to him.

- “The one you told me about the evening before Life Day?”

- “That’s right,” Mara confirmed. - “I suspected all along that his wish to

meet here on this remote, uninhabited planet smelled as bad as the inside of

a trash compactor. I don’t listen as well to my subconsciousness as I used

to.”

- “He was not what he had claimed to be?”

- “You could say that,” she explained. - “The only business he was

interested in was to make me see my final light of day. Apparently he was an

Imperial agent.”

Her last statement peeked Luke’s attention. She seemed so certain of that.

- “Are you sure?”

- “I recognise their fighting style anytime - that was what gave him away,”

Mara said with confidence. - “Even if they have begun showing a lot of slack

in this area. Let me tell you, their assassins are far from the standard

that I once was taught to be. What a loser.”

Mara suddenly became more preoccupied. There were a couple of things in all

of this she did not understand herself.

- “That is not what worries me, though,” she went on. - “I honestly didn’t

know that the Remnant is still interested to even waste time and effort to

deal with me - after all this time.”

Luke had had no idea either. Mara still had enemies within both the New

Republic and the Remnant because of her past and her decision to leave the

Empire. But a whole decade had passed. He agreed with her - why take her out

now, after all this time?

However, Luke knew from experience that when things didn’t seem to make any

sense, they usually did! You merely had to look deeper. Whoever Mara’s

would-be assassin had been, it was very unlikely that it had been personal

from his part. Someone must have sent him to eliminate her, someone who

regarded Mara as dangerous.

But who?

- “What happened?” he asked.

- “He tried to burn a couple of holes into me, but he missed, incompetent as

he was,” Mara explained. - “But in the commotion I fell into the river. I

found myself unable to get up again and suddenly I was trapped inside that

cave. Then you showed up. I do wonder who sent him. I doubt that Imperial

nerf is still around, but if I ever get my hands on him…”

His gentle grip around her immediately strengthened as her anger started to

rise within her.

- “Put your anger aside, Mara,” Luke said in a firm voice. - “It doesn’t

serve you. We’ll deal with this man if he’s still around.”

Mara sighed. He was right, as usual. And she was once more impressed with

his immediate reaction to her change of feelings. Not many mood swings

passed by him unnoticed. He wasn’t a Jedi Master for nothing.

She was also pleased that Luke seemed so willing to help her. But even with

her powerful Jedi friend to back her up, she wanted to be ready to face this

Imperial if he was indeed still around to finish her. Mara reached for her

belt.

Only to discover that she no longer carried her weapon.

- “My lightsaber! I’ve lost my…!”

Not only regret of losing her Jedi weapon embraced her - also an emotional

and painful loss as well. Luke had given this saber to her; it had once

belonged to his father. The saber had been of great and personal importance

to him, yet he had given it to her. He had given it as a token of their

friendship.

And now she had lost it!

Sensing her panic, Luke quickly tried to calm her.

- “I found it earlier on the riverbank,” he assured her.

- “You have it?”

Luke nodded.

- “You’ll get it back once we get back to the ships.”

Sensing how she began to relax once more brought relief to him as well. He

could not risk any larger mood swings before they could check on her

condition.

- “Now clear your mind and merely focus on yourself,” he said, as he had

said hundreds of times over the years to several students that all had had

their own reasons to be upset. - “Focus upon your breathing, that is what’s

important now.”

- “It’s not quite as bad anymore,” Mara stated. - “I just wish I weren’t so

blasted cold. And wet!”

Luke gazed up towards the sky, slightly bending away some of the canopies

with the Force so that more of the sun’s rays could reach down to them.

- “It’s not much but I think the hot sun will dry us both a bit.”

Mara rested her head against his left shoulder.

- “That Force ability you’re using is more efficient,” she said, referring

to the inner warmth he passed on to her. - “And preferable.”

Luke observed her in silence for a moment. Mara was powerful enough to

provide herself with that inner warmth. But she had never learned how

because she refused to reach out to the Force and learn it for herself most

of the time.

What she had promised him before, inside that underwater cave, had not been

forgotten. But Luke still felt uncertain of how honest she had been about

her sudden dedication to learn. Was it something she had said just like

that? He would never call Mara Jade a liar. But perhaps now that they were

out of danger, she might have changed her mind.

He had to find out.

- “You gave me a promise before, Mara. We even shook hands on it. Remember

that?”

Mara didn’t want to get annoyed by his suspicion of her sincerity. But she

got annoyed nonetheless. She did not approve of his tone of voice.

- “You are overstepping the boundary, Master Jedi!” she stated firmly and

met his eyes. - “You don’t need to remind me of the promises I make. I never

break a deal if I’ve sworn to follow it through.”

He said nothing but from the look in his eyes, Mara could tell that her

answer was satisfactory enough. At least for now. She sighed deeply.

- “I can’t tell you when, but I will allow you to train me, Luke. Don’t get

funny ideas, though. I will not stay any longer at the Academy than I have

to. I merely wish you to teach me the basics of a Jedi Knight.”

Her lack of enthusiasm surprised him, even if Mara had never shown much of

it for as long as Luke had known her. Mostly, especially when dealing with

new and young students, there was too much enthusiasm which had to be

controlled. Mara was the complete opposite. And Luke was not used to that in

his students.

He prayed that she hadn’t agreed to this just to please him. Disaster was

pre-programmed if that were the case.

- “There is really no such thing as basic training, Mara,” he explained. -

“All Jedi learn throughout their lives, every single day - it’s a never

ending process. And I’m surprised that you show so little ambition about

this.”

- “To reach mastery within the Force is not one of my highest priorities in

life.”

It surprised her that Luke had not understood that by now.

- “Not even if you could find use for it?”

He sure was persistent!

- “I manage my life perfectly well without the Force most of the time,” she

reminded. - “You know that.”

- “Yeah.”

Yes, he knew. But that didn’t mean that he had to like it.

His gaze dropped to the ground. He was not upset with her, but Mara could

tell that her answer had not made him very happy, far less hopeful. She did

not regret being so honest with him - the clearer she made things in this

matter the better. But she did not wish to disappoint him either if

possible.

- “You truly wish for me to fulfil my training, don’t you?”

Her unusually concerned question brought about his attention once more. He

looked at her.

- “Very much so.”

- “May I ask why? You’ve never really told me why that is so important to

you.”

Was that so?

Had he truly never told her? Luke found that rather strange, yet he could

not recall a single time he had given her his reasons behind his wish for

her to complete her training.

No matter. Now she had at last agreed to do it, and on her own terms. If he

hadn’t explained why before he would do so now.

- “It’s not so important to me personally,” he said. - “But I see the

potential within you, Mara. The fact that you manage so well even without

the Force shows what a powerful Jedi you could be. You also have unique

talents, some that are very rare. I never ask anyone to fulfil their

training against their will. But I can’t help to feel that a great talent

and a much needed resource for this galaxy might never be developed. And

there are still so few of us. Every single Force sensitive individual is so

precious.”

Mara nodded.

- “I do see your point, Luke. But what makes me so special? How would I,

alone, ever make a difference?”

Luke smiled slightly. He had heard that question many times before in his

career as a Jedi Master. Why were the Jedi so special? Each and every single

one of them?

- “Only the Force knows what lies ahead of us and the trials that await us,”

he explained, as he had done so many times before. - “But I can tell you

that we are all special, in our own way.”

He gave Mara a deeper look and his smile transformed into a grin.

- “I was just a farmboy from a desert planet. What made me so special?”

Mara could not help herself. She trembled at his words. He was right, of

course. He had been a total nobody. Today he was the most powerful Jedi this

galaxy had seen in a very long time.

But it wasn’t what he had said that made her tremble. It was how he had said

it. When it came to matters of the Force, Luke always knew what to say. Say

what was needed. Say what was wanted. And say it the right way. No one could

question him after that, or at least would find it hard to do so.

The scariest part of it all was that he made it seem so simple.

- “You have already done much that has affected this galaxy, Mara,” he

continued. - “For the better.”

- “I think it’s rather the things I never did,” Mara corrected. She felt

more chills down her spine. Memories she would like to forget came back.

- “If I had managed to kill you at Jabba’s… or afterwards… Perhaps I should

continue to do nothing? That is perhaps my duty in this life.”

- “Perhaps. But personally, I do not think that to be your fate. What we do

in life echoes in eternity.”

His voice was calm and soft. So full of care. And guidance. It seemed he had

already begun instructing her. He had his Master-tone.

And, just because of that, Mara could not help but to start giggling.

- “What? What’s so funny?”

The look on his face, one of complete non-understanding of what she found as

so amusing, made her giggle even more. He, the constantly-in-control Jedi

Master, always looked so funny when he faced something he did not

understand.

- “Us! You and I, we are funny!” she explained once her giggles started to

wear off - “How come that we always end up in situations like this? Where

one has to take care of the other and vice versa?”

Luke had to agree with her, their constant talent to get into trouble

together could be a bit amusing if you looked at it that way.

- “I don’t know. That’s a good question,” he agreed. - “It’s the will of the

Force, maybe. Or simply an irony of fate.”

Mara was no longer amused. How they always ended up in trouble together was

one thing. How they got out of it was a different thing altogether. And

especially today.

- “Luke, there’s no irony in that you interrupted your journey and jumped

into a freezing river just to save me.”

- “Just to save you?”

Was that all she believed it was? Far more than his duty as a Jedi had made

him jump into the river after her today. Of course, a Jedi should never

differ in his duty and all lives were always equally important. But she was

his friend also. Which made her a much more private matter to him

personally, a fact not even a Jedi Master could ignore. And even if he might

do better not letting it affect him, it did.

Nothing could have held him back from jumping into the water.

Nothing.

- “Mara, I would give my life to save you! You mean so much to me.”

- “I do?”

- “You know you do.”

Yes, she knew. Even if she could never tell how deeply that care actually

went. Still, it surprised her every time she was faced with his care and

compassion. And it was not his care as a Jedi. It was his care as her

friend. A fact that still amazed her at times - that it even existed.

- “Even after all the threats to your life that I’ve put you through?”

Luke shook his head.

- “I can’t believe you still think I hold any grudges against you,” he said.

- “I never had any to begin with and that was such a long time ago. You are

my friend. That’s all that matters. So much was very different back then.

What has happened between us in the past doesn’t matter now.”

- “So I’m no longer dangerous in your eyes? What a shame.”

She was being ironic again. But Luke sensed there was still some form of

seriousness behind that irony.

- “You’re not dangerous, not to me,” he told her. - “Who could ever think

that of you?”

He had had the same opinion more than ten years ago as well. He had always

known that she would never go ahead with her threats and kill him. If she

had meant it she would have done it, regardless of the situation. Despite

her changed course of life now, she had always remained a professional in

everything she did. There had been no reason for her not to kill him if she

truly had wanted to do it.

But Mara’s hatred, wrongfully placed by Palpatine in her mind to begin with,

had never been strong enough. She had not been aware of it herself, but deep

down in her heart she had felt that her hatred was misguided and simply

wrong. It wasn’t her own hatred she had carried but Palpatine’s.

No, Mara had, in fact, regardless of what some believed – including Leia –

never represented any danger to him. And very early on, Luke had even felt

rather safe in her presence. And these days, as they were in the same place

at the same time – like now – Luke knew she was watching out for him as much

as for herself. That was why, among many reasons, he regarded her as such a

good friend. That was why he had never feared her.

Still, she had always loved the illusion of being a danger to him. She

always found that as amusing. And now he was spoiling her fun by telling her

the truth.

- “Disappointed?”

- “Very!” Mara said and quickly turned serious again. - “Especially

considering that, if I had been in your shoes, I would probably not have

treated you with the same kindness that you’ve always shown to me.”

- “You’re still living in the past, Mara,” Luke reminded her. - “I’m not

holding your previous life against you.”

Mara shook her head. He did not understand, as good-hearted as he always

was. It must be good to be as innocently naive as he was.

- “There you go again! Don’t you see my point? You give me compassion where

others loath me. You’re far too kind to me, Luke”.

- “Well, I’m constantly given good reasons to be.”

He was deadly serious. She could see it in his eyes. And it was something

she would likely never understand. A whole Empire and numerous Sith Lords

and Dark Jedi had grown to hate this very man. She included, once upon a

time. But he had never hated them back in return. And Mara was certain that,

even if Skywalker had not been a Jedi at all, his attitude towards life and

all kinds of people around him would have remained very much the same.

And for the very same reason, she admired him.

It could even be called passionate admiration for this man’s goodness. For

his seemingly unlimited compassion, even for the darkest of souls. And for

his incredible ability to forgive.

After all, he had forgiven her.

Something Mara knew that she would never have been able to do herself if she

had been him.

Mara constantly kept this admiration hidden from the Jedi Master’s

awareness. She wasn’t sure how he would react if he found out what she felt

about him. She didn’t want to put him into any kind of awkward situation; he

was a Jedi after all. He was following the Code by being like this.

But it would also put herself in a precarious situation as well if he were

to ever learn all the good things about him she carried within herself. A

situation she was not ready to face. And neither was he.

Luke, most of all, was certainly not ready at all!

Nevertheless, his kindness to her, no matter what she did, always put her in

awe for him. How could someone care so endlessly and still never receive

anything in return? Was there truly no limit of his heart?

- “It has always been hurtful to me to hear and observe how the ignorance of

others treats you,” Luke continued. His thoughts mostly went to certain

members of the government that, over the years, despite all that Mara had

done to help bring conflicts to an end, still regarded her as the enemy.

Like a loose canon from the past that was still spying on them. Perhaps even

a terrorist or spy, still working for the Empire. If not most of all for

Leia’s influence, some of these people would have ordered an arrest and

trial against Mara even long ago for her crimes during the Civil War.

But even with Leia’s help to prevent this, Luke had always sensed and even

openly known of his sister’s own suspicion about Mara’s integrity. Even his

own sister questioned the honesty of his lady friend.

And that was the most painful thing of all in all of this.

- “If they knew you as I do, they would respect you. And realize how

important you are,” he continued, wishing that at least Leia would one day

see Mara the same way he did. - “As for me personally, I’ve grown attached

to your manners. Your tough attitude keeps me on the edge, which is exactly

what I need! I can’t afford slack. And I also know that you’re always

keeping an eye on me. Your reason why you do that I leave to you to keep,

that’s not my business.”

- “Yes, well…”

Mara hardly knew what to say after this. Luke always played with open cards

with her but not all of them simultaneously. There was only one thing she

could say to him in this moment. Something she should have done much sooner.

- “I’d like to repay your kindness in a more appreciated manner than what

I’ve done so far. By starting to say thank you, for example.”

Luke looked at her in joyful surprise. Had Mara actually thanked him?

- “I bet that was hard to say.”

- “You’ll never know,” she admitted and gazed into those blue eyes of his. -

“You saved my life today. And you could just as well have died yourself.”

She placed her hand on top of his, hardly aware of what she was doing until

it was already done.

- “Thank you,” she repeated.

The light touch of her hand on top of his felt wonderful, even if Luke could

not understand why. He knew that Mara had always been grateful for his help

and friendship. But she rarely expressed it this openly.

- “I would do anything to save you,” he said. - “And for a moment there… I

almost thought I had lost you.”

The horrible fear he had sensed earlier while she had been dying returned to

him for a second.

- “If I were to lose you, Mara… I don’t know what I would do.”

Mara removed her hand. He suddenly seemed much more intimate. He had become

personal in a rarely seen way, far beyond all his duties. Even beyond their

friendship, at least that’s how it felt like. And right now, his sincerity

didn’t feel comfortable.

- “Don’t be silly, Luke! I appreciate that you would miss me. But you’d be

fine without me.”

He slowly shook his head, never taking his eyes off her.

- “No. Nothing would ever be the same without you!”

He moved closer. And his words carried some form of emotion with them that

Mara had never heard from him before, at least never aimed at her. It made

her tremble. But she didn’t want to let him know how intimidating his sudden

approach was to her. Her near-death experience had made a huge impact on him

and she didn’t want to dismiss his feeling about it.

She just wanted it to go away.

Wanted him to move away.

She broke her eye contact with him, yet she could feel that he remained the

same, never seizing his staring gaze that was solely aimed at her. He was

still coming closer. But how could he come closer? They were already sitting

next to each other. And why did he come closer? He had saved her before. Why

had this experienced touched him more than all previous ones?

- “Will I ever be able to understand you?” Mara mumbled, trying to ignore

her own puzzlement. - “You’re impossible, Skywalker!”

Wait a minute here! Why was she drawing away? Why did she feel threatened by

his sudden nearness? There was no reason to. This was Luke Skywalker, for

Sith’s sake! Not some dumb loser of a nerf that tried to get too close to

her in his in vain wishes to get something from her at some lousy bar.

Nothing would happen.

She shouldn’t hide or run from him. It was time to face him, to look him in

the eyes, and simply say it. To make him understand just how impossible he

was altogether. She turned towards him again.

- “You’re completely, totally impossib…”

The first and only thing Mara felt from that moment on was his lips on her

lips.

It utterly startled her. Yet, immediately, her feelings took over.

His lips were soft and warm; the way they were pressed against hers was

tender. And he moved slowly. Very slowly.

It felt wonderful!

Her eyes closed. Her heart beat quicker with each moment and she realized

that he even had one arm around her and was pulling her gently closer to him

while his tongue slowly made contact with hers.

Millions of questions could have passed through her mind. But Mara ignored

them all. Instead she allowed him to kiss her, showing no resistance at all,

for reasons far greater than anything else.

Time was standing still. What was happening now, for whatever reason, was

something that was impossible. She had never expected it, had never seen it

coming. Not from him. Not even if she loved a thousand lifetimes. And just

because it was so impossible, Mara felt such an incredible joy.

Luke Skywalker was kissing her!

On no other’s initiative than his own.

It brought out feelings within her that Mara had not felt for a very long

time.

Some feelings she had never felt at all before.

And the way he kissed her..!

The taste of him was far better than what she had ever imagined it to be.

A slight moan of pleasure escaped her.

Her reaction made him jerk and draw away.

- “I’m sorry!”

Startled, Luke stared at her, more scared of himself than of whatever

reaction she would display any second now. And he could make a very good

guess as to what that reaction of hers that could be.

What had he done!?

- “I don’t know why I did…”

But her angry reaction never hit him. Instead, she started to grin at him.

And he never saw or sensed any anger, not even irritation, within her.

- “Can you believe it..!?”

He stared at her even more sheepish as she licked her lips, devouring the

final taste of him. Luke had expected her to slap him pretty hard. Instead

she reacted like this. He did not understand. This was not like Mara at all.

Nor was this kind of behaviour anything like his own, usual self for that

matter.

She looked at him, her smile broadening even more.

- “The Jedi Master does have funny ideas after all!” she stated with a great

sense of pride. - “And I thought you were incapable of such behaviour!”

Was she toying with him? Was this her way of getting back at him? If so, it

was working. Luke felt ashamed and embarrassed.

- “Forgive me, Mara.”

Her smile disappeared. He had nothing to forgive. He had given her something

extremely rare. And she felt so honoured!

She moved closer, closing the distance he had created, and put her hands on

each side of his face.

- “Luke, relax! I’m not mad at you, or you for sure would know. It’s okay.”

She let go of him again but Luke was still as dumbstruck as he could get.

Mara had never allowed him very close and had recently been extra careful to

draw away from him. Yet now she behaved as if she had been waiting for him

to get this close to her?

For him to kiss her?

Why had he kissed her?

- “Normally I would have gotten very upset and given you a black eye and

knocked out a few teeth as a result,” she explained. - “But to see you do

something as unexpected as this…”

Mara couldn’t help herself; she was still too surprised about the whole

thing. She shook her head - this was incredible. And she felt so good!

She practically radiated the joy she felt right now.

- “If a stolen kiss is what I owe you for saving my life, I think the prize

was fair.”

Luke swallowed. Was that what she believed? That he had wanted to kiss her

because he had saved her?

- “I think it’s still appropriate for me to apologize,” he managed to utter.

- “I don’t know what got into me.”

Still, her surprising calm was very soothing. There was no need for him to

draw further away. He didn’t want to draw away.

- “You don’t have to explain,” she said.

- “Even if I wanted to, I couldn’t,” Luke admitted and buried his face in

his hands. - “I don’t know what happened.”

What was he doing?

What was happening to him?

Why had he done this?

He had not planned to kiss her! He never had!

But suddenly, at the memory of how close he had gotten to lose her forever,

something within had pulled him closer to her.

And for a slight moment, he had let go of his serenity.

And he had kissed her

He had kissed Mara!

- “I… I’m really sorry if I embarrassed you,” he mumbled.

- “The one who seems embarrassed here is you, Jedi dearest.”

Luke stared at her once more.

What had she called him?

Was this still the same Mara Jade that he knew?

None of his senses, human or Force, told him that this wasn’t Mara. This was

no hoax, no illusion of any kind. This was her. The same.

Yet she seemed so different.

- “To actually see you lose a bit of control in your stiff serenity!” Mara

stated, more proudly than before. - “Wonders never seize! I feel honoured!”

This was a victory for her.

A major victory!

- “Mara! This isn’t funny.”

Luke didn’t share her point of view. It wasn’t her possible wrath or the

risk of retribution on her part that bothered him. If she had wanted to slap

him he would have taken it like a man.

But, for some reason, he felt shame for what he had done.

But Mara regarded it as a true tragedy that he did. He had nothing to be

ashamed for. Shame for what?

For finally expressing that he was a human being, too?

A human with feelings?

And needs?

- “I’m sorry you think so,” she said with regret and looked up towards the

sky. - “All the ladies out there that you constantly keep at bay don’t know

what they are missing.”

If his face had not become red earlier, it became so now. His heart was

pounding. Sithspit, what was she saying!? Was she complimenting him, was

that it?

- “Just don’t do this to me again. Okay?”

That tone sounded much more familiar to him. That was the Mara he knew, even

if slightly kinder than usual.

- “The next time I may not be as forgiving and understanding.”

- “You have my word,” Luke promised her. - “I won’t do that again.”

They looked at each other in silent agreement. She forgave him, didn’t even

ask him why he had done this. Perhaps it was her way of repaying him. If

not, Luke had no idea at all why she tolerated him. And he did not dare to

ask.

For whatever was going on between them, it would never be quite the same

again.

- “We better get moving,” he finally suggested. They had lingered long

enough.

Mara immediately rose to her feet.

- “But from now on, I’ll walk!” she determined. - “And don’t you dare argue

with me!”

She had nothing to worry about. She had a hold on him now that she could use

against him at any time. Perhaps that was why she seemed to go along with

what he had done. Either way, Luke did not want to argue. But he would

remain very close to her at all times. He would never allow her to exhaust

herself.

Even if she seemed to have gained loads of extra energy all of a sudden.

They stayed close together as they continued their trek through the woods.

Mara might have insisted on getting along by her own powers from now on but

otherwise she did not draw away at all.

- “I just hope Lando doesn’t believe we’ve both drowned and has left us

behind,” she muttered after a while.

- “Lando would never abandon us,” Luke said. - “Especially not now.”

No, Lando would never leave them behind. Mara was the woman he was planning

to marry. And with Palpatine’s sudden return on Endor, Lando would never

abandon his Jedi friend.

- “Why not?” Mara still wondered. - “How can you always be so sure about

such things?”

- “Sometimes I’m not,” Luke admitted. - “But this time I’m very certain.”

- “Because he’s your friend?”

- “Well, yes, of course.”

- “But?”

- “But, what?”

Mara sighed. Would Skywalker never stop throwing her questions back?

Something was going on inside his head, she was surer of it now than ever.

- “Look, I’m not questioning Lando’s loyalty; I know he hasn’t left us

here,” she stated. - “And I do not doubt your powers either. Still… You are

very good at blocking things, Luke, but you are not that good! There’s

something that’s troubling you that you’re not telling me, I feel it. And

what I feel makes me uneasy. You haven’t told me yet what the two of you are

doing here, besides saving my skin.”

How could she know about that!?

Had he let his guard down so much? When?

While he had kissed her?

Mara mustn’t learn of Palpatine’s return. At least not now out here in these

woods. Not before they had confirmed her condition as stabilised.

Yet, Luke knew that he would be forced to tell her. Eventually, everyone

would find out, unless he found a way to stop Palpatine very soon. And he

saw little chance of that at the moment. But Mara would never forgive him if

he kept her out of this. And she had the right to know.

Her past with Palpatine gave her the right.

Just not right now.

- “Ask me again sometime, Mara.”

- “Luke!?”

- “I promise I’ll tell you later. Now is not the time for us to debate

this.”

She gritted her teeth. He had managed to irritate her again. She moved ahead

of him, quickening the pace. But Luke was right behind her, not letting her

increase the distance.

- “Stubborn man! That’s what you are, stubborn!”

- “I thought we had already settled that,” he said.

- “Oh… shut up, Skywalker! Your very presence makes it hard for me to

breathe.”

‘As if that was something new,’ Luke thought.

- “Whatever you say, ma’am.”

He followed her closely; completely unaware of what was raging inside of

her, underneath that irritation that was as solid as his own serenity. Luke

had no idea what lay behind her last comment, her true reason behind those

words.

In reality, it was very different from what he believed it was.

 

To be continued in: "Honesty"

 

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